Swashbuckler

SWASHBUCKLER A Heroic Comedy in 5 Acts Mikel Etcheverry

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DRAMATIS PERSONAE Armand de Bayonne aka Swashbuckler, 32, chevau-léger (light cavalry) Colin Puget, 24, musketeer Henry MacHale, 37 John Morgan, 36 Patrick Murphy, 27 Aquarius – An old alchemist, genius, doctor, quacksalver Jacques Moineau – Pirate Tew aka One-eye – Pirate Avery aka One-sack – Pirate King Louis XV Etienne François Duke of Choiseul Joseph II of Austria Ethelfleda, Marchioness Grey / Robin Moore – 18 Maria Carolina of Austria – 20 Irina Rubcov aka Krasota (Beauty) – 35 Five anarchists Two gravediggers A conspirator Traitors Guards

The scene takes place in various locations in both Paris and Prague, in April 1770. Author’s note : Some of the words in the text are defined in the ‘Vocabulary’ section at the end, which you can reach by clicking on each of these words. The links in that last section send back to the first instance in the play where these words have been used.

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Act I We find ourselves in one of the rooms of the Palace of Versailles, at night. The King of France, Louis XV has been woken up a few minutes earlier and is pacing the luxurious apartment back and forth in his royal undergarments. Also present is his Prime Minister, Etienne François Duke of Choiseul, who took the time to dress up before bothering the King. A third man, Armand de Bayonne, aka Swashbuckler, chevau-léger, is standing still after he broke the bad news to the King. Scene 1 LOUIS XV In Prague, you say? SWASHBUCKLER Yes, Sire. LOUIS XV During the party? SWASHBUCKLER We can only surmise, but ‘tis the most likely. From what I have been told, many a crowned ruler, Plenty of noblemen, women of great power, And all sorts of soldiers, merchants, peasants and drolls, Will gather there in Prague, a city she extols. Maria Theresa, distinguished sovereign, Is throwing a party there to entrench her reign, As well as her title, Empress of Austria. CHOISEUL Archduchess, Armand. She is Queen of Croatia, LOUIS XV And Hungary. CHOISEUL But Archduchess of Austria. LOUIS XV ‘Tis already a lot! CHOISEUL And Queen of Bohemia, I never remember. LOUIS XV Move on, Choiseul, move on. We have serious matter, maybe revolution, To tackle this evening. Let us skip the details. 3

Armand, please recount what happened, all your travails, To apprehend the traitor and make him confess. SWASHBUCKLER I need apologize : even under duress The spy was unsettled and poorly gave away Useful information, which will no doubt delay, Our uncovering of this foul conspiracy. CHOISEUL ‘Tis not the time, Armand, for an apology. SWASHBUCKLER As soon as the English gave us his whereabouts, We warned all the soldiers of his possible routes. We barely caught him at the Barrière de Reuilly, Brought him for questioning at the Conciergerie. He had nothing on him, not a single paper. He must have contacted a co-conspirator On his way to Paris. ‘Tis all we know for now. Fear not, Sire, I will do better. This I vow. I was meant to extract much more from the felon, But his resolve was strong, stronger than my weapon. LOUIS XV We are not here to blame, rather to understand How secret documents, could fall in the wrong hand. CHOISEUL Not many of us knew, the upcoming treaty. Now we are all suspects, all those who were party. For our diplomacy, it is not a nightmare, ‘Tis a catastrophe, a casus belli fair. What did the English envoy tell you? SWASHBUCKLER Nothing new, Compared to what, Sire, he already told you. It was four days ago, that the treaty – its draft – Disappeared from St James’s Palace. CHOISEUL Rather with craft, Since there was a number of soldiers who stood guard. SWASHBUCKLER The envoy did not voice, yet we cannot discard, The idea that it was… LOUIS XV Yes? 4

SWASHBUCKLER Not so much willful… LOUIS XV Go on. CHOISEUL Say it, Armand. SWASHBUCKLER For us, it is doubtful The thief acted alone, and the English concur. Some people must have talked, some people who prefer, To the peace in Europe, a war and a bloodshed. LOUIS XV Who would be so foolish to wish for that instead? CHOISEUL Alas, Sire, the list is long. SWASHBUCKLER Our time precious. The little we suspect is uncertain, specious. The longer we do wait, the more we leave to chance, To turn our fate around, and save Europe and France. Which is why I propose, if you, King, would agree, To go now. Else, there is a possibility We will fail in our task, which is to recover The stolen document. CHOISEUL More than that uncover The whole conspiracy. LOUIS XV I want names and results, I want arrests and deaths. One cannot throw insults At many a king and queen and just walk away. SWASHBUCKLER We will not disappoint, Sire. Without delay, I must journey to Prague, with my men, like I told. CHOISEUL Are you sure it is there that the plot will unfold? SWASHBUCKLER When the English first told, of the purloined letter, We thought of the best way, to expose the matter. Our conclusion is clear : ‘tis the ceremony, 5

Taking place in a week, where gather so many, Who have a stake in this. If it is made public, It would spell disaster. LOUIS XV ‘Tis most diabolic! Many of my cousins – that’s how we call ourselves – Will make the trip to Prague. They will attend themselves. I will be suspected of plotting their demise. Seeing how I stay hid, they will think I devise, A most cunning scheme to hasten their undoing. SWASHBUCKLER Why not prove them wrong then? Why aren’t you going? CHOISEUL ‘Tis not your place Captain, to question our motive. LOUIS XV Paix, Choiseul. He is right to be inquisitive. I have nothing to hide. As you are well aware, Captain, my esteemed son will be wed to the fair, The precious, the promising – not to say the whet – And very much Austrian Marie-Antoinette. It was five years ago, that first this betrothal Was envisioned. CHOISEUL She’s nice, cute, and useful withal. LOUIS XV In two weeks, they are to be married by proxy. One month later we’ll hold a ceremony, The official one. No mean feat to accomplish. I have decisions to make, details to polish. CHOISEUL It has to be done well, with great pomp. LOUIS XV Taste. CHOISEUL Style. LOUIS XV So, be on your mission, I’ll be busy meanwhile. CHOISEUL Versailles is abuzz with rumors, stories, gossip. More than a thousand guests are marked to make the trip. 6

We have to feed, lodge, entertain, accommodate Friends. LOUIS XV Enemies. CHOISEUL Spongers. LOUIS XV Many a head of state. CHOISEUL Hence we have no time to waste in a simple dance, Even if it involves the future Queen of France. LOUIS XV (He pauses a few seconds to think) Who are you going with? Who is your company? SWASHBUCKLER A Musketeer, Sire. LOUIS XV Not from the cavalry? SWASHBUCKLER (He nods ‘no’) And several others, all patriots, loyal. LOUIS XV Do not trust anyone, not even a royal. Everyone is your foe, every single player. (He pauses some more, looking thoughtful) What was his name? The English betrayer? SWASHBUCKLER Butler. It was Butler did it, but he wasn’t alone. CHOISEUL He must have friends in high places, like…near a throne. LOUIS XV I am going to bed. I won’t probably sleep, But I need it. Choiseul, do follow up and keep Us informed. (Exit Louis XV) CHOISEUL Armand,

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SWASHBUCKLER Yes? CHOISEUL Under no circumstance, You may repeat those words if you want to advance In your bold enterprise. Do I make myself clear? SWASHBUCKLER I swear, Monsieur. I swear on my life and career. As a proud capitaine of the chevaux-légers I will remain loyal, true, and will not betray Your words. CHOISEUL ‘Tis the least we expect. Now, to explain What this is all about. In order to maintain A lasting peace in Europe, several crowned heads Wanted a binding deed, a contract that imbeds, In complicated terms, rights and obligations, But that also entails swift retaliations. The idea was an economic alliance Predicated by military compliance. To put it in few words, tariffs would be lowered as your army grew smaller. Simple. SWASHBUCKLER Who answered? CHOISEUL George III, King of England, and out of Prussia Frederick the Great. We meant to include Russia, With Catherine the Great, and Austria. Alas, The treaty was not done, we were at an impasse. We needed to agree, between the founders three, Before adding further names. It is a pity! The point was to include, as many possible For the alliance to work and not be feeble. Imagine, Armand. If we reduced our army, Not only would we save our fair share of money, We could apportion our men to produce, export, And trade. Tariffs being lower, every town, port, Townlet, would benefit. The winner is Hermes, God of Commerce, and not his half-brother Ares, Infamous God of War. A virtuous cycle Could kick off for Europe. Now it’s a debacle. SWASHBUCKLER So if the treaty is revealed now, they will think You wanted them excluded. 8

CHOISEUL Now we’re on the brink Of a renewed European conflict. Whether Frederick, Maria, Catherine, any other, They will never forget. They will never forgive. Never. As long as they breathe, as long as they live. SWASHBUCKLER (He ponders Choiseul’s words for a few seconds) Do you know why she would choose Prague over Vienna? CHOISEUL More than twenty years ago, a land, Silesia, Was lost by Austria, after a great battle, In favor of Prussia. To retest their mettle Seven years ago, Austria fought back. In vain. They had been defeated yet again. SWASHBUCKLER Yet again? CHOISEUL Indeed. To reassert her power and her grip, And not be forgotten her old protectorship, She may well feel that Prague, closer to her lost land, Will be more suitable to make her dubious stand. Do not forget, Armand, the Archduchess is old Her move reeks of swan song, even if it is bold. SWASHBUCKLER An economic and military treaty In Europe… Next thing you know, with our enemy, We will be using the same gold and silver coins. CHOISEUL Why not scraps of paper if the King so enjoins? Armand, ‘tis not the time to be ridiculous. For the lowliest commoner it is obvious That this would never work. It would be a suicide. SWASHBUCKLER We’re all too different, languages set aside. CHOISEUL He would have to be fool, him who would hatch a plan That involves what you said. A fool or a con man. Back to the matter at hand. The English, I’m sure, Know as much as you do. Maybe more. Please ensure You don’t give away too much and learn in return The missing pieces of this puzzle.

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SWASHBUCKLER My concern It will be, rest assured. CHOISEUL As for Henry MacHale, The envoy, you know him I hear. SWASHBUCKLER We drank some ale Together. I was in London, on a mission, He followed me everywhere. There is no question He is a good man, a good soldier, and loyal To boot. It won’t be him, if there is betrayal, I would wager my life. He defended England Like few did before him. My knowledge is firsthand. CHOISEUL I have a total confidence in you. His friend, Robin Moore, do you know him? SWASHBUCKLER No. CHOISEUL I recommend You approach him. He is too young to be a spy, I cannot fathom their reasons – SWASHBUCKLER Yes? CHOISEUL As to why They would send such a youth. This makes no sense at all. They hide something from us. SWASHBUCKLER Business as usual. CHOISEUL Yes, secrets, as always. SWASHBUCKLER I’ll keep my eyes open. CHOISEUL Share not unless you’re sure, whatever may happen. We don’t know who’s involved. (He pauses a second) How many will you be? 10

SWASHBUCKLER There is Colin, myself, some from the cavalry, The mentioned Englishmen…two colonials also. CHOISEUL ‘Tis a strange assortment. SWASHBUCKLER Why would they need to go? I mean, the Americans, Sir? CHOISEUL I am not sure. They have vested interests and want to insure England and Europe do not go to war, maybe. After all, ‘twas founded on trade this colony, If you remove commerce, they will not long survive. They need imports, exports, if they intend to thrive. I hope you uncover their intent and purpose. Before all please make sure they do not make a fuss. They have this tendency to arrive guns blazing While tact, diplomacy, can do things amazing. Now, what is it you plan on doing? Let me know. SWASHBUCKLER I have to meet them back at the inn. Tomorrow, We devise a plan of action before we move. Our men around Paris, are trying to improve Our chances of success by thoroughly probing every cour des miracles, any place of hiding, All of our informants, any inn in business. We should have results in a day, or even less. CHOISEUL (He hands an envelope to Armand) Your order of mission, signed from the King himself. (He hands him a small purse) For your expenses…They are gold coins, not mere pelf. I wish you all the best, though luck is not involved. Make us proud capitaine, return with the crime solved. SWASHBUCKLER I will, Monsieur, I swear. I will not disappoint. Under my watch Europe won’t be thrown out of joint. (Exit Choiseul) Scene 2 SWASHBUCKLER

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These are strange times to live through for a mere soldier, When foes are hidden by the curtains of power. It is no longer an army I have to face, It is a lurking evil, which, at will, can place Its pawns over the stage. It is a puppeteer, A masterful player, that can direct and steer, And still is nowhere to be found. Cutting the strings Requires more than a steel sword and my king’s blessings. (Enter Colin) COLIN So, Swashbuckler, what are we to do? SWASHBUCKLER To Paris We must return and get some sleep. COLIN ‘Twill be a bliss. The day was long indeed for I woke up early. What about our allies? Will they join our party? SWASHBUCKLER They wait for us at the inn. We must take action. And fast. COLIN What did the King say? What is our mission? SWASHBUCKLER Colin, my friend, it will be quite an adventure. More than one thief, a stolen treaty – whose nature I cannot disclose – a widespread conspiracy… And then some! COLIN What’s next? Magic powers? Sorcery? No damsel in distress? SWASHBUCKLER Possibly several. COLIN Maria Carolina? SWASHBUCKLER Who? I don’t recall… COLIN Were you not affected to serve as her detail? You spoke of it before…What did the job entail? 12

SWASHBUCKLER I was her bodyguard. COLIN She was your protégé. SWASHBUCKLER No, she was friend with the Austrian attaché. A soldier like me is never worthy enough – My demeanor is crude, my manners well too rough – To be anything more than a loyal servant. She is a princess. COLIN But not the heir apparent. A daughter of the Archduchess of Austria, She’s not the oldest, Maria Carolina. If her mother needed to marry her children – For political reasons – plenty do forerun, From which she can choose. SWASHBUCKLER So? She is still a princess. COLIN Who should settle for a man, a captain no less. Is she not talented? SWASHBUCKLER She is clever and deft. She spent almost two years in Paris. COLIN And she left? SWASHBUCKLER Not long ago. COLIN You speak of it with emotion. SWASHBUCKLER She studied, learned, perfected her education. What more can I say? She is ebullient, lively, She has self-restraint (for a royal), is funny, She would melt an army if they saw her beaming. COLIN That is quite a list, Swash. SWASHBUCKLER

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It is never ending. But enough with the musings. Colin, drop your smirk. Alas, dreams will need wait, we have to get to work. Scene 3 (An inn, late morning. Henry and Robin are sitting at a table, Swashbuckler is in front of them. They are discussing and eating. There are other tables, people coming and going) SWASHBUCKLER You know the same as I what I said to the King. We have to ferret out Butler’s contact, and bring Him to justice. ‘Tis essential we determine Who is involved. HENRY You have some lead, I imagine. SWASHBUCKLER Not just yet, Henry. My men are on the lookout. ROBIN I cannot wait to put the foul plotters to rout. (Enter Colin. He sits down at the table, next to Swashbuckler and in front of Robin) COLIN Good day to you gentlemen. My apologies, I am usually the first one who rises But the night was too short, and my bed was too small. SWASHBUCKLER I did not expect to see you before nightfall. Let me introduce you to our two English friends : This is Henry MacHale, who skillfully contends Against England’s rivals, since he was a young boy. COLIN I heard of your stories. Did you really destroy Seven of Spanish ships? HENRY Was it seven or five? My memories fade fast. COLIN I pray you can revive Them and recount the deed. It is nice meeting you. (They shake hands) SWASHBUCKLER

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Of the people I trust he is one of the few. Robin is his second, both in age and in rank. HENRY That is not saying much, if I have to be frank. Robin is a swordsman, a fighter outstanding Who trained since a baby in the art of fencing. ROBIN Captain is way too kind, I am a footsoldier Little experienced. COLIN You do look handier Than you let show. HENRY He is. Trust him like you would me. COLIN You seem a nice lad, and excellent company. (He shakes hand with Robin) SWASHBUCKLER Colin, as I told you, is one fine Musketeer, Who has battled for France, on more than one frontier. COLIN While you devise a strategy, I think I’ll eat. I am famished and could devour a rabbit. (He stares at Robin. Henry is drinking some ale) What is it that you had? What’s the main intercourse? (Robin averts her gaze to hide her embarrassment, Henry spits his drink, Swashbuckler laughs) HENRY Course, noddy. You have to say ‘What is the main course?’ COLIN There is a difference? That’s not how I was taught. HENRY Who was your teacher? COLIN Our maid, why? HENRY That’s what I thought. COLIN Why? What is the problem? 15

SWASHBUCKLER I will tell you later. COLIN All this excitement for what is a small matter… That’s what happen to Englishmen when their sweet tea Is all of a sudden turned in bitter coffee. How come your English is a lot better than mine? SWASHBUCKLER I had a lot of practice. COLIN When? Where? Fighting crime? HENRY In England. Swash, here, has graced us with his presence On five separate occasions. SWASHBUCKLER Intelligence Is your forte. You keep impeccable records, Henry. But, yes, that is how I learned English words. (To Henry) I am a little disappointed. HENRY Why is that? SWASHBUCKLER There’s a trip to blemish your almost spotless stat. (Enter a musketeer) MUSKETEER I have a message for the one called Swashbuckler. (He recognizes Colin) Good day, Monsieur. SWASHBUCKLER Over here, it is me, soldier. (He’s handed the letter. Exit musketeer) COLIN Is it good news? Bad news? Are we making progress? SWASHBUCKLER MacHale this is for you, but you will never guess – HENRY What is it? SWASHBUCKLER 16

Not two days after you left London Irina Rubcov left Saint-Petersburg. COLIN Pardon? I do not understand. Who is that Irina? HENRY A Russian spy superb. Her code name, Krasota, Translates as ‘beauty.’ Beautiful is not enough, She is gorgeous, stunning. But she is also tough. In fact, her physical features are only matched By her sheer deadliness. SWASHBUCKLER If she has been dispatched – HENRY Did it say where she went? SWASHBUCKLER She took the quickest road If she wants to reach Prague. HENRY If we needed a goad – COLIN I trust you have met her. HENRY On many occasions. What you should know of her : she is good with poisons. More than that she’s gifted. She is cold and ruthless. She could kill a man while still look good in a dress. ROBIN You speak of her with admiration in your voice. HENRY I do. (He pauses a second, looking thoughtful) I am curious as to the Russians’ choice. If they sent her they know something is going down. There’s no greater foe than the spy in dressing-gown. I hope that for our sake, she is on the same side, Or it will be simpler to try and hold the tide. COLIN How did you meet such a powerful enemy? HENRY 17

Doing what she does best : trying to poison me. It happened in Prussia, five or six years ago, We were there to put an end to an imbroglio Between our respective countries. For some reason, (He hesitates, not sure of the circumstances) I killed her informant – he committed treason, I remember – she wanted to get her revenge, So, she decided to poison me in exchange. We met again in London, also in Denmark. I got stomach ache there, which is the true hallmark Of her peculiar, deadly – not to say twisted – Talent. Of course, she denied it when confronted. (‘Tis not impossible it was the halibut, Which I learned later on was seasoned with walnut – I’m allergic, see.) Anyway, she’s intrepid. ROBIN It seems she must not be underestimated. HENRY No, she must not. And if indeed she goes to Prague… ‘Tis not a matter to be treated like a blague. Swashbuckler, you met her already, haven’t you? SWASHBUCKLER I have. She was sent to Paris…twice, I’d argue. Two people were poisoned, as far as I can tell, Though she was not accused. ‘Tis quite a mighty spell Under which she keeps everyone. Power to sway… HENRY Power to slay… SWASHBUCKLER Only Russia she won’t betray. She has acquired, in a bizarre way, quite a fame. People who get to know her are never the same. (Colin has finished his plate and mug) Let’s not delay. Colin, now that you are nourished, We must go out and find traitors to be punished. (Turns to Henry and Robin) Gentlemen if I may, I will leave you to rest. ROBIN (Makes a move to stand up) But…we must come with you. SWASHBUCKLER No, this is not a jest. I will inform you when I have something solid. HENRY 18

(Henry stays Robin’s hand) We will remain here till you have a clue valid. (Exeunt Swashbuckler and Colin) ROBIN Why not go? It is not the time to be sheepish. HENRY It is neither the time to rush nor be foolish, Your Ladyship. ROBIN Shush, please! I told you oftentimes : If we ever are to help uncover those crimes, We need stay hid, stealthy. If you keep uttering My titles or my names, we will soon fail the King. I need not remind you, it took me some effort, To convince him wholly and garner his support. HENRY You told me about Butler, how he was your friend. ROBIN He betrayed all of us. I feel I must amend The mess he created. I should have seen through him. HENRY You cannot blame yourself, few men are what they seem. ROBIN But I’ve known him for years. I never suspected… Butler was a mentor, in me in confided. It was more than friendship, almost propinquity, That linked us since childhood. Strong was our amity. For I who knew him well, no event’s remembered Would tell of ill feelings for England he harbored. I fear I put the kingdom in jeopardy. If a war breaks out, who, Henry, will forgive me? HENRY No one, because no one man will dare accuse you. I will personally strike and kick those who do. You are no accomplice but a victim like us. Your innocence we will never need to discuss. Why Butler did betray England remains hidden, But that you are loyal to her is a given. ROBIN I hope you speak the truth but am still fraught with guilt. I think of what Butler did, everything he built. He was a stern pillar of our institutions 19

He worked in politics and served many functions ; Members of parliament knew and respected him ; He was always proper, well-dressed, formal, and prim. Now it is up to me to find out what happened, To a man such as him. HENRY Maybe he was frightened. ROBIN Maybe…That’s what we will have to shine a light on. Now let us sleep before setting this in motion. (Exeunt Henry, Robin) Scene 4 (The inn, late in the evening. Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery) MOINEAU It was most tedious, roaming over the sea, Yet not worse than the ride to complete our journey. We be now in Paris, ‘tis only a first step, Before getting to Prague. TEW Aye, only one more prep, Then we be sailin’. AVERY Aye, the ocean calls to us. We need travel with haste, find this Aquarius, Relieve him from his secrets and all his treasures. MOINEAU We be on land, one-sack, ‘tis no place for seizures. What we do with a ship we refrain here on land. The oceans are vast, infinitely they expand. Countries are small, cities even smaller. AVERY Ahr! TEW Aye! MOINEAU We be subtle, we be ; discreet. We have to lie. Remember what we said, from now on take an air Like ye belong here. At worst, ye be a corsair, No longer a pirate. ‘Tis best if you adjust Your vocabulary. 20

AVERY Better to gain their trust. MOINEAU Yes. Now, as to what my father divulged to me. The magus got his hands on papers from John Dee, (He was an occultist who conversed with angels, Turned trinkets into gold, and gave the Queen counsels). ‘Tis the second we need, Dee’s magic formula, if we are to revive, our dear Libertalia. When we have gold we can rebuild Utopia, Accept any pirate, outcast or pariah, And be free men once more, like we all envision, Enjoying life’s pleasures beyond rhyme and reason. AVERY And drink rum. TEW Eat delicacies. AVERY Drink some more rum. MOINEAU Yes, yes…When we’ve acquired the necessary sum. TEW I can’t wait to be there, but how will we bargain? AVERY We have naught to offer. MOINEAU All we need is a brain. Everyone one has a price, whether gold or knowledge. But we will find a way, dear fellows, this I pledge. Scene 5 (The scene takes place at night in a small street of Paris, under a porch. Under cover of darkness, two hooded individuals meet) CONSPIRATOR 1 I trust you had no real problem leaving England. CONSPIRATOR 2 ‘Twas easy, easier than running an errand. Butler did well, he was true to his word. CONSPIRATOR 1 21

I knew He would. He had to. CONSPIRATOR 2 Well, he confessed nothing new When tortured. CONSPIRATOR 1 We made a deal he could not refuse. More than just a debt, he had a lot to lose. His reputation, friends or family members… Potential fires for which we kept the embers. Men have many weaknesses ; rare those who have few. No man has none. CONSPIRATOR 2 ‘Twas pity to discontinue Our relationship. He didn’t know much. CONSPIRATOR 1 Enough, Is what he gathered. Don’t refrain from being tough With pawns. Ever. How did you get rid of the fool? CONSPIRATOR 2 I went to look for a vagrant in a cesspool, Gave him so many coins, told him to find a guard, Warn of his suspicions, they should not disregard. He did as he was told, sicced the dogs on Butler. It was a nice plan. CONSPIRATOR 1 We could not have done subtler. Have they found anything? Did they follow your track? CONSPIRATOR 2 It will be never when we come under attack. Those dunces wouldn’t find where in Paris does flow The Seine. You have nothing to fear, they are too slow. CONSPIRATOR 1 Do they know about Prague? CONSPIRATOR 2 Yes, they suspect as much. That is all they have, though. You remain out of touch. CONSPIRATOR 1 Have you left the clue as instructed? CONSPIRATOR 2

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Yes I did. They should acquire it soon for it was poorly hid. CONSPIRATOR 1 When are they leaving then? CONSPIRATOR 2 Probably tomorrow. I will send you a message as soon as I know. The documents are safe and ready for travel. By the time they comprehend, try to unravel – CONSPIRATOR 1 It will be too late. Keep up the good work, agent. Inform us whenever you can. CONSPIRATOR 2 If it’s urgent. CONSPIRATOR 1 About the Englishmen… CONSPIRATOR 2 Yes? CONSPIRATOR 1 Are they dangerous? CONSPIRATOR 2 The older one of them. He is illustrious. He was sent on missions many times for England. Even in lost causes, he got the upper hand. As for the other one, the young, called Robin Moore, I’ve never heard of him. Surely he is not poor, His bearing attests to it. He must be noble, To a lesser extent. CONSPIRATOR 1 It is remarkable… Why would they send him along? Why send such a youth? He is not a soldier, his manners are so – couth. It is so visible, in his stand, in his speech. If this man is a spy, I myself am a beech. CONSPIRATOR 2 Not to worry, I will personally shed a light On his nature. One thing : he does know how to fight. CONSPIRATOR 1 That won’t help him and it won’t deter us either, Am I wrong? 23

CONSPIRATOR 2 Not at all. CONSPIRATOR 1 Then I’ll see you later. The ride is exacting to the magic city. I need be fit for when we unveil the treaty.

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Act II Scene 1 (Back at the inn, early in the morning. Enter Swashbuckler) SWASHBUCKLER Yesterday afternoon, despite a thorough search, We uncovered naught. I will not let thieves besmirch Either myself, my allies or beautiful France. ‘Tis time I set the tune to this unwonted dance. I will draw my old sword that slumbers in my sheath, Take my enemies’ heads, and with them make a wreath To be displayed for all to see as a warning. We cannot delay more, must leave by the evening. ‘Tis three days to reach Prague, three more before the ball, Waiting any longer would be detrimental. (Enter a chevau-léger) CHEVAU-LEGER 1 Swash! Good news : we have some newfound information. You remember how you caught the spy? What fashion? SWASHBUCKLER He was lurking around the Barrière de Reuilly, Not so far from the cour des miracles. CHEVAU-LEGER 1 Exactly! That’s where we went, to question some thieves and vagrants. We found in some orphans some worthy informants. With the help of loaves of bread and a few deniers, We found a hiding place. With some chevaux-légers We ascertained the tip. SWASHBUCKLER Is it true? Revealing? CHEVAU-LEGER 1 All the more that it was confirmed by a drawling Wretch who went to see the guard. We know they are there… Anarchists… SWASHBUCKLER Let’s cause them to be the worse for wear. I’ll wake the Englishmen, they have to be hustled ; The Americans too will need to be bustled ; Colin will be up when I kick the door wide open. Useful information does not happen often. We need make haste to our implacable foes’ lair. 25

Praises and thanks will wait, for my men and their flair. (Enter Colin, then Henry and Robin, then John and Patrick) You probably wonder why I gathered you here. COLIN We don’t, you have uncovered aught. HENRY That much is clear. SWASHBUCKLER Indeed. My men spotted an abandoned building Used by anarchists for temporary housing. JOHN Where is it? SWASHBUCKLER Close to where we arrested Butler. ROBIN Please tell me that, this time, we’re going together. I could not bear staying behind one more instant. SWASHBUCKLER Only if you’re ready to fight. ROBIN I’m expectant! SWASHBUCKLER Then we all ride. COLIN One more minute, though. SWASHBUCKLER What is it? COLIN Introductions… SWASHBUCKLER That had escaped me, I admit. COLIN (Turns to John) I guess…Patrick and John, right? JOHN (Points to Patrick)

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No, this is Patrick. I am John. John Morgan. Pleasure. COLIN Likewise. PATRICK ‘Sidekick.’ ‘Tis my nickname due to John being the leader. COLIN How do you do? PATRICK (They shake hands) How do you do? COLIN I just wonder… PATRICK Yes? COLIN May I ask why you were sent so far from home? JOHN We were already in England, thought we could roam Across Europe. You know, ensure the draft is found. COLIN Nice vote of confidence! PATRICK He is jesting around. We just wanted to help. COLIN We can’t say no, can we? SWASHBUCKLER No, we cannot. It was offered generously. We must be on our way, gentlemen. For justice, The good of our respective countries…and for peace! Scene 2 (The ground floor of a dilapidated house, rue de Reuilly. Swashbuckler, Colin, Henry, Robin, John and Patrick enter the scene cautiously, swords drawn, expecting enemies to jump on them any second) JOHN 27

Are you sure this is right? PATRICK Is this their hiding place? ROBIN It does look deserted. HENRY They will have to surface, Just wait for it. JOHN I will try and see what’s upstairs. (Exit John) COLIN Well, he must not mind being put in the crosshairs, Going alone like that. I think I’ll back him up. (Exit Colin) HENRY What do you gather, Swash? SWASHBUCKLER It looks like a setup. As long as we are here, do not forget to check, Every nook and cranny, every room of this wreck. PATRICK We might get our hands on something truly helpful. HENRY Like a map. ROBIN Instructions. (Enter four anarchists in ragged clothes and sword in hand) ANARCHIST 1 Why not something awful? SWASHBUCKLER Kaxu! PATRICK Watch out, Robin! HENRY Time to instill some fear. ANARCHIST 2 28

(They start fighting) Oppressors, betrayers, you shouldn’t have come here. SWASHBUCKLER I know you want them dead with extreme prejudice, But we must deliver those rascals to justice. HENRY At least one of them. PATRICK I hope torture is allowed. HENRY We wouldn’t go far if rules were to be followed. ANARCHIST 1 You are all pawns and little obedient slaves. SWASHBUCKLER You are traitors. HENRY Mutineers. PATRICK Deceitful. ROBIN Knaves. SWASHBUCKLER Soon caught. ANARCHIST 1 You hear that lads? Those fools got it all wrong. They are not very bright. SWASHBUCKLER I will cut out your tongue! ROBIN As if the world’s problems were solved by anarchy. ANARCHIST 2 You are a talking puppet and were never free. PATRICK Fool, what freedom do you really want? HENRY That to kill? 29

ROBIN To dress like vagrants? Stink? ANARCHIST 1 That to destroy at will. (Fifth anarchist enters and helps his acolyte defeat the weakest link, Robin. She is crossing swords with two opponents) ROBIN For men who claim to be good, you have no honor. (She is grazed and drops her sword) Ouch! (Enter Colin) COLIN Robin! (He jumps to her rescue and stabs anarchist 3 to death, the other one flees) I heard some noise, rushed to your succor. ROBIN I’m all right, thanks to you. Please assist the others. HENRY ‘Tis time to do much more than just ruffle feathers. (He manages to stab his opponent, number 4, who drops his sword and staggers away) SWASHBUCKLER So, silly anarchists, here is what we propose, Unless you are willing to be killed for your cause, For each of you, there are currently two of us. What will it be? PATRICK Martyrs? COLIN Or you want to discuss? ANARCHIST 1 I would rather die, fiends! SWASHBUCKLER May your wish be granted! (Anarchist 2 is stabbed and dies. Anarchists 1 and 5 look at each other and finally drop their swords. Their hands are bound) PATRICK (Looks at the dead anarchists) ‘Tis what happens when you leave fools unattended.

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(Enter John) Where were you all this time? JOHN Searching the house for proof, Of course. I went from the second floor to the roof. I found some documents. HENRY What we are looking for? JOHN Unfortunately, no. SWASHBUCKLER We need to probe some more. Colin, lad, do not let these two out of your sight. Also bandage the wound Robin got in this fight. It doesn’t seem severe, see to it nonetheless. COLIN I will do as you ask. (Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry, Patrick, John) I need you to undress. ROBIN I beg your pardon? COLIN In order to treat it, I have to see your wound. ROBIN It is hardly a slit, Colin, please, I assure you, even less a slash. COLIN Don’t be stubborn, Robin, it looks like quite a gash. I can see blood from here. ROBIN The flow has all but stopped. It is fine. COLIN It is not. You should have your coat dropped. You need not be prudish. You’re acting like a kid, As if you were afraid I would see you naked. You are a man, Robin, in the army at that, Leave your shyness at home, wear it not like a mat. If you are embarrassed because you have a scar, I find that they are incredibly popular 31

Among women. If you want, we can compare them. Is there better reminder of carpe diem Than a wound inflicted on a field of battle? Our lives are so fragile…priceless and yet…brittle ; Easy to be ruined, toilsome to be improved. ROBIN (Robin grows impatient, she rips the part of her sleeve that covers her forearm) There, you can patch it now. COLIN (Looks puzzled) You could have just removed – ROBIN Do it. COLIN All right, all right, no need for a tantrum. (He splashes water on the wound, tends to it and ties a knot with a handkerchief) Spray liquor when you can, ‘twill act as a serum. ROBIN Thank you, Colin. You have done most admirably. I feel better. COLIN Will you manage to forgive me? ROBIN What ever for? COLIN Trying to help you get better? ROBIN I am sorry, Colin, if I sounded bitter, It’s just…I am used to taking care of myself. COLIN Sometimes a man needs help, can’t do it by himself. ROBIN I know, I apologize. COLIN You are forgiven, ‘Tis no matter. ROBIN What can I say, I am driven.

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COLIN (He pauses a few seconds, looking thoughtful) What made you decide, lad, to join the armed forces? Was it your parents? ROBIN I had no influences. My mother, Jemima, or my father, Philip, Did not try to push me. COLIN (Colin drinks water from a jug then offers some to Robin) Do you care for a sip? (She nods ‘yes’ and takes it) They did not oppose it either? ROBIN Well, they couldn’t. They are both dead. COLIN I…I am sorry. I didn’t… ROBIN It’s quite all right, Colin, you meant no disrespect. COLIN I am blunt, see. I should learn to be circumspect, Especially with foreign people I just met. I warrant you, I’m more gifted with a musket. ROBIN I’m sure it isn’t true. For one, I am jealous. COLIN Of me? Why? ROBIN You are extroverted, boisterous. You always speak your mind – I wish I was that bold! COLIN ‘Tis a matter of practice. ROBIN Yet, when I am old, I still will not manage. COLIN

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Give yourself some credit. You are eighteen, inexperienced, yet a wit. Give it time. ROBIN I hope to find a kernel of truth In your words. COLIN Talk about the impatience of youth! About this assignment, was it of your choosing? ROBIN I…no…I…It is… COLIN Complicated? Embarrassing? You don’t have to tell me if it is a secret. (Speaking in hushed tone) I don’t even know what was stolen. ROBIN I regret… I do not want to lie to you. COLIN I understand. ROBIN I will, though, one day. COLIN When you are back in England? You should only make a promise that you can keep. ‘Tis my first advice. And if you don’t want to weep, You should never tarry in any endeavor, Whether it be a speech, an action or favor. Do it. We belong in a trade where life is short, Shorter than in most. This is why we resort To instant delights. So, live without a regret, And go for anything – everything – you covet. ROBIN These are sound pieces of advice by which to live. I will try to implement them, not just believe. COLIN You are so different from the soldiers I know, You look so innocent, so… ROBIN Why not say callow? 34

COLIN I mean in a good way. Look at my hands, they’re rough. You seem to have inner strength though you are not tough. You don’t seem, like so many of your kind, your peers, To have been raised by your parents with oats and beers. ROBIN (Indignant) And with what might I ask, you esteem I was raised? Did I not fight like you? Did I not too get grazed? COLIN You sure did, you sure did! I did mean no offense! Seeing you in combat… I will take your defense If anyone denies you skills. ROBIN So, what is it? What are you trying to say? COLIN Give me a minute. I am trying to arrange my thoughts. ROBIN A second Is likely what’s needed. COLIN That’s not fair! I am fond Of you, young lad. ROBIN Excuse me? COLIN I mean, you are fun To have around. ROBIN Is it a compliment? A pun? COLIN If I said it in French, it would start making sense. ROBIN For now you’re making none, and I do mean offense. COLIN I think I will shut up, keep my foot in my mouth. ROBIN 35

I suggest you do that, ere it goes further south. Scene 3 (Enter Swashbuckler, Henry, Patrick, John) SWASHBUCKLER We have recovered no item of real value, Yet those papers we found all do confirm our view : ‘Tis in Prague will occur the event we so dread. HENRY (Points to the two anarchists) Those two will need to talk, the other three are dead. ROBIN And the one who escaped? PATRICK Trampled by a carriage. JOHN (To the anarchists) Speak, or I reckon you will increase this carnage! PATRICK Tell us who is behind this plot, its every string. ANARCHIST 1 I will spill everything, which is to say nothing. SWASHBUCKLER Regale us. PATRICK Go on. ANARCHIST 1 We are not just five, you know. We have…legions. HENRY Ready to invade? Strike a blow? ANARCHIST 1 We were told the monarchy would be ripe to fall. ANARCHIST 5 Soon. We were to stand prepared to assume control. ROBIN

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Where does Butler come in? Under what circumstance Did you get in contact and make his acquaintance? What were his instructions? Who were his employers? HENRY Robin, please. ROBIN What? They are traitors and betrayers! HENRY And I warrant they will be dealt accordingly. Now, Colin, bring the lad to the infirmary, Ensure his wound his taken care of. COLIN No problem. He seems to have lost his luster of precious gem, To regain it calls for rest. ROBIN But I want to stay. HENRY It’s an or-der, sol-dier! ROBIN (She looks at Henry intensely before averting her gaze) I got carried away… I apologize, captain. (Exeunt Colin and Robin) SWASHBUCKLER Everything all right? JOHN Except the hierarchy? HENRY It was not out of spite That he stood up to me. PATRICK At least he has no fear. HENRY The lad is quick-tempered, but he’s no mutineer. JOHN Anyway, why don’t we pick up where we left off? SWASHBUCKLER 37

What did they promise you? Power? Was that the payoff? ANARCHIST 1 They said a civil war was about to erupt, Kings and queens would step down for they are too corrupt. ANARCHIST 5 It was time to change things, start a revolution ; That ending privileges was the solution. At least part of it. Once done with the monarchy, We would have all the reins for our sweet anarchy. SWASHBUCKLER Anarchy has no reins, fools. ANARCHIST 1 ‘Tis what we wanted. Just a few more days for our wish to be granted… That would have been nice…grand. HENRY Surely…A grand bloodbath. ANARCHIST 1 Maybe…At least we would have trodden our own path, Not toiled for lazy royals and ungrateful pigs! Now we die for their mouches and their outrageous wigs ; We work to death in the fields while they throw parties ; We lose our children to wars, our soul to taxes. Is it worse to die free? SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis not for us to judge. ANARCHIST 5 For whom, then? God? HENRY ‘Tis pointless, I see they won’t budge. Back to the matter at hand. Where is the treaty? ANARCHIST 1 I don’t know. SWASHBUCKLER You will speak, knave! JOHN (Threatens him with his sword) Answer him, noddy! ANARCHIST 5 38

We saw Butler, ‘tis right, but he had a contact. ANARCHIST 1 He came once, at night. After that… ANARCHIST 5 No more compact. SWASHBUCKLER Who is he? JOHN Where is it? HENRY Are they still in Paris? ANARCHIST 1 ‘In a week will be a party I wouldn’t miss.’ ‘Tis all the contact said. ANARCHIST 5 In Prague. SWASHBUCKLER What happens then? ANARCHIST 1 We were not informed, either me or my brethren. PATRICK This is quite a letdown compared to what we hoped. SWASHBUCKLER Gents, we need change tactics. ‘Tis time we interloped. We have to turn nosy, shake all our informants ; Ask all bandits, burglars, even shady vagrants ; Explore all dens of thieves until details are churned ; Speak to the smallest guild and leave no stone unturned. Such a tremendous plot cannot go unnoticed, The occasion demands your skills should be practiced. This morn is not an insurmountable setback, We must be on our feet and ready to attack. Prepare your stuff : we leave for Prague this afternoon. If the night is too dark we will pray for the moon. Away scoundrels, to jail! My men will escort you. Gentlemen, we shall need ready our motley crew. (Exeunt Patrick, John, with the two anarchists) HENRY Swash, prithee, a word?

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SWASHBUCKLER Many more you can obtain. HENRY May I ask a favor, which I cannot explain? SWASHBUCKLER Continue. HENRY Earlier, Robin almost got killed. I should… SWASHBUCKLER It is no fault of yours his blood got spilled. HENRY You misunderstand, Swash. His life is more precious – ‘Tis an understatement – than mine. ‘Tis serious. I could not bear to win without bringing him back, That would bring disrepute, disgrace worse than payback. SWASHBUCKLER What would you have me do? Tell him to stay behind? HENRY No, for he’s too proud and has revenge on his mind. We will face other fights – a brawl or a scuffle – Ensure that at all time he is safe from trouble. And if you have to choose between his life and mine, Sacrifice your old friend if that means the lad’s fine. SWASHBUCKLER I will bear it in mind. (He pauses a second) He means a lot to you. HENRY Yes, though I cannot disclose why yet. His value Is beyond telling. SWASHBUCKLER I promise to do my best. HENRY I thank thee in advance. Your lineage be blessed! (Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry) Scene 4 (Back at the inn. Colin and Robin are sitting at a table) 40

ROBIN My arm is fine, I assure you. COLIN Do you feel pain? ROBIN Not in the least. I believe I had made it plain. COLIN I’m just asking. One day, I received a bullet Generously sent by an enemy’s musket. ROBIN That’s horrible! COLIN You guessed it, the pain was blinding. My long recovery was full with suffering. ROBIN I imagine. Is risking your life a habit? COLIN ‘Tis not a goal. ROBIN Where did you say you were hit? COLIN I give you a hint : I could not sit for two weeks. That was only the first of my two losing streaks. I tell you lad, avoid getting shot in the ass. You want to see the scar? ROBIN Thanks but…I think I’ll pass. COLIN This is exactly why I warned you earlier To enjoy when you can the arms of a lover. For instance, who have you have been doting on of late? Who is your amoureuse? ROBIN I feel you will berate Me – at least be judgmental – if I tell the truth. COLIN I never deride verity. So, when a youth – Such as yourself – utters it, I listen doubly. 41

ROBIN I have none, sir. COLIN Why ever not? There are plenty, I’m sure, would consider it a boon, an honor. ROBIN I can’t do what I want, I have a protector. And he is very – protective. He’s my uncle. COLIN Tell him you want to switch his burdensome shackle With one sweeter than silk, for it is one called love. Tell him a youth like you settles for naught above. You are twenty, tudieu – ROBIN Eighteen. COLIN So young, eighteen! You should have a lover, like you, fair, pristine. Tell me at least you’ve been in love. ROBIN Never. Not once. COLIN That’s unacceptable, the only wrong response! You’ve lived secluded, yes, but this is no excuse. I’ll need speak with your uncle about this abuse. Where ever have you been? Dwelling in a forest? You, the living proof of culture at its finest, Have not experienced this mix of elation, Joy and all things sublime? And don’t make me mention All the gifts, the pleasures, the godsends that ensue. It is an adventure that I urge you pursue. You should already know what it’s like to wake up And admire the face of your loved one at sunup ; Recognize the scent of her body, of her hair ; Hold her tiny hands in yours, tell her that she’s fair ; Play with her when it’s hot, let her ruffle your beard (Though you seem to have been spared so far, that is weird). ‘Tis an intense feeling, you shouldn’t wait to try, There is nothing like it, not on Earth or the sky. For it lives in your mind, and resides in your heart. I wish not to spoil it, forgive if I impart Too much information. ROBIN 42

You are not garrulous, I assure you. If anything, I am jealous, Having no – no first-hand knowledge of what you speak. COLIN I could dissert all day and still not reach the peak, I could write lengthy books, encyclopedias, Treatises, discourses, and even fantasias, And would still miss the core, of what love really is. ROBIN I understand, Monsieur, you have some expertise. COLIN Not enough for my taste, but the life is still young. If love was a ladder, I’d be on the first rung. ROBIN (More to herself than to respond to Colin) I wouldn’t have started. COLIN ‘Tis why you shouldn’t wait. ROBIN What about your lover? How has she been of late? COLIN Well, as fate would have it – and ‘tis a strange creature – Constance, my lover, loathed the constant adventure That is my life. As you know, as a musketeer, I owe allegiance to the King, whom I revere. My task is dangerous, I often risk my life, ‘Tis not good for a lover, less so for a wife. She chose to let me go. ROBIN I’m sorry. COLIN ‘Tis all right. At least she did not leave out of chagrin or spite. ‘Tis germane to the game, and I enjoy my part. ‘Tis love after all, failures are not meant to thwart, Only…stimulate, goad on, arouse or inflame. Giving up would be unacceptable. ROBIN And lame. COLIN

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You said it! (Enter Henry) HENRY Lads. ROBIN Captain, you’re back. What have you learned? HENRY Nothing that’s important. They kicked, they swore, they spurned, But in the end they confessed everything they knew. We also had their documents under review : There is nothing on Butler, or his accomplice, Whoever they are, Robin, they have some practice : They left not trace or clue, naught incriminating. Except for Prague of course… ROBIN Which we were suspecting. HENRY Whatever they have planned, it is a clever ploy. It is safe to assume, their “friends” were a decoy, Willful participants, idiots outsmarted, By shrewder men than they. COLIN You look devastated! ROBIN I was hoping for more. COLIN We still have time, you know. HENRY Not so much, we need to depart. ROBIN When? Tomorrow? HENRY Today. It is crucial we leave this afternoon. COLIN He will need a new coat, and a new pantaloon. ROBIN These are bloody and worn. HENRY 44

What were you two doing? Why is it not done? COLIN We were just idle, talking… HENRY About what – ROBIN Nothing, nothing! HENRY Procrastinating? COLIN About love and matters…uplifting, wonderful. HENRY Why am I not surprised…? COLIN Is there more meaningful? HENRY I am always baffled by your choice of topics, The French. When it is not about your heroics, What do you talk about, other than love and cheese? COLIN We devise constant plots, with panache and with ease, To get our friends, our enemies, those we don’t know, To talk about us, les French. HENRY Are you that shallow? Never mind that, Colin, it was rhetorical. COLIN Captain, what is love without hatred after all? Would respect, admiration, exist without spite? We get publicity, ‘tis a cause for delight. HENRY Wonderful! Please tell me all about this…never. Pack up your things swiftly for after lunch we ride. (Exeunt Henry, Colin, Robin) Scene 5 (Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery)

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MOINEAU My favorite scallywags, currency aside – For we have spent much of our little money left And, at some point, we will need to resort to theft – We have now secured safe passage to Prague. TEW & AVERY Hooray! MOINEAU In three days we arrive. It will be, I daresay, Easy for resourceful men like us to find him, Aquarius. A true mage who could, on a whim, Turn us into statues, or in founts of wisdom. His knowledge is so vast, he nigh wilts of boredom. He thirsts for books always, yet he owns so many, It is said he keeps in secret a library. It is full of grimoires written on human skin (They stand the test of time and are famed for their sheen) ; Replete with manuscripts that only he has read, Magical works that, once opened, will leave you dead ; Handwritten documents from old antiquity, Books bound by vellum, leather, sometimes sorcery. ‘Tis why I brought a volume of folk lore – Vodou, Straight from Haiti. Bargaining chip for the cuckoo. TEW Do you mean our pistols… MOINEAU They are more than useless. He can snap his fingers – Boom! You become a cress. AVERY If he owns the secret, to create gold at will, Why does he live in Prague and like a pauper still? MOINEAU He is out of this world, he cares naught for riches. TEW Why hasn’t he been killed, like all other witches? MOINEAU Everyone is afraid. They all dread his power. AVERY He could join us. TEW

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I don’t want to die a flower. I like my body : scars, the one eye, stench and all. AVERY You could do with a shower…in a waterfall. TEW You could do with muscles and a beautiful face. AVERY Yeah? Well…you look like you shave eyes closed, with a mace! MOINEAU Stop it you two! This is getting aggravating. TEW & AVERY Yeah, stop it! MOINEAU Great…Enough! TEW Where will we be staying? MOINEAU I was told of a place that’s both cheap and discreet (Where gentlemen like us – in other words, thieves – meet) Called…Richard’s Taverne des Colonies Britanniques. TEW Fie! ‘Tis a most cumbersome name. AVERY ‘Tis eccentric, It will never take. MOINEAU Anyway lads, let’s say Tavern. It was recommended by that pirate, Redfern. We got drunk together, last time in Tortuga, He praised their sturdy beds and their brands of vodka. AVERY We can’t really take his word for it, now can we? We will test them, or my name is not Avery. TEW I am agreeable with that wee scurvy chum : We will need to sample their vodka…and their rum!

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Act III Scene 1 (A room in Prague Castle. Enter Swashbuckler and Maria Carolina) SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis an immense pleasure to see you, as always, Your Ladyship. MARIA CAROLINA Likewise, Armand. If it allays Your fears… SWASHBUCKLER Yes? MARIA CAROLINA You are hereby allowed to dispense From niceties. Otherwise, I will take offense. We should be able to talk like friends, Swashbuckler. SWASHBUCKLER As you wish, Maria. MARIA CAROLINA Isn’t it easier? SWASHBUCKLER For me, perhaps, but for you…? MARIA CAROLINA What? SWASHBUCKLER Surely your ears… Must be accustomed to compliments, lauds and cheers. MARIA CAROLINA Armand? SWASHBUCKLER Yes? MARIA CAROLINA Am I one to yearn for flattery? Have you ever seen me give in to vanity? You think me frivolous, superficial, shallow? SWASHBUCKLER Even their antonyms appear to me hollow. You are literally, extraordinary 48

MARIA CAROLINA Even you admit it! (She beams) Now we can talk freely. I hope you and your friends had a safe trip. SWASHBUCKLER We coped… But it was much less eventful than we had hoped. MARIA CAROLINA Where you looking for danger? On purpose? SWASHBUCKLER Never! You know me. The thrill of it makes my heart shiver! MARIA CAROLINA I imagine you are here for the ball. SWASHBUCKLER Not quite. Peace in Europe may have earned a welcome respite, But evil is at work that tries to undo that. MARIA CAROLINA I guess ‘tis not to be solved by a diplomat. SWASHBUCKLER You are nimble as ever. MARIA CAROLINA You need assistance? SWASHBUCKLER Please do not see in my answer a defiance. People are involved – we have reasons to believe – That are in high places. A palace is a sieve, As you already know, gossip and tidings spread Faster than wildfire. MARIA CAROLINA And if any was fed – SWASHBUCKLER To our enemies, yes, it may cause our downfall, Not just for Bohemia, but Europe as a whole. MARIA CAROLINA You know in case of need, my offer does still stand. SWASHBUCKLER 49

You spontaneity humbles me, makes you grand. I wish more were like you, blessed with a heart of gold ; Your mind is a beacon, your spirit a stronghold. MARIA CAROLINA Enough with official matters. How is Paris? SWASHBUCKLER Abuzz with sad laments, how noblewomen miss The life of balls and parties. MARIA CAROLINA Do not forget plays. SWASHBUCKLER You were quite fond of Molière. MARIA CAROLINA I miss those days. I remember sneaking past you to attend some. SWASHBUCKLER You weren’t sneaking, Maria. MARIA CAROLINA Yes. SWASHBUCKLER No. MARIA CAROLINA How come? SWASHBUCKLER I was there the whole time. Each time. MARIA CAROLINA No, you weren’t. SWASHBUCKLER You want the time and place? For each? MARIA CAROLINA No, you couldn’t! SWASHBUCKLER You were let out in truth. It was estimated That, had you been secluded, you would have wilted. MARIA CAROLINA My mother? SWASHBUCKLER 50

Your mother. MARIA CAROLINA I thought I was clever. SWASHBUCKLER I saw many plays, in many a theater, All thanks to you. MARIA CAROLINA What can I say but ‘you’re welcome’? At times I felt guilty for being troublesome, I see it wasn’t necessary. Did you follow When I visited La Bénard, my playfellow? SWASHBUCKLER (He nods ‘yes’) And let us not forget Madame de Bonneval. MARIA CAROLINA Yes… My God… How I enjoyed every recital. You must have spent many nights, sleeping in the streets. SWASHBUCKLER By far those nights were not my most displeasing feats. I would do it again if you asked politely. (He smiles) MARIA CAROLINA That’s enough trouble on my account already! How long do you intend to stay? SWASHBUCKLER Until the ball. Whether these days mean my success, or my downfall, I will need be done by the time you start dancing. MARIA CAROLINA Before you depart, will you make time for waltzing? SWASHBUCKLER I advise against it, Maria. The trouble Is I have two left feet. I am incapable, Unfit, inept and utterly incompetent When it comes to this art. MARIA CAROLINA You should be confident, Every art can be learned. SWASHBUCKLER

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If you commit…maybe. But my muse deserted me, fickle Terpsichore. MARIA CAROLINA Then let me take her place, teach you my savoir-faire. If you follow my lead, you will not need despair. SWASHBUCKLER As you wish your Highness. I do hope for your sake I succeed. MARIA CAROLINA Have you been known to make mistake? SWASHBUCKLER Not when it mattered. This time, the stakes are higher. You shouldn’t underestimate my challenger. This time it is not an army with their leader ; It is not a bunch of thieves and miscreants either. Our foes are astute, patient yet deft, clear-thinking. This is more than just waving a sword and killing. MARIA CAROLINA I have faith in you, Armand. SWASHBUCKLER I thank thee for it. I hope I show worthy. MARIA CAROLINA I know you never quit. What about the accommodation? Do you need – SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis all arranged. Richard’s Taverne…Some den of mead. MARIA CAROLINA Ah, yes, The Tavern. SWASHBUCKLER You know it? MARIA CAROLINA Everyone does. It is a den of perdition, a shack, a scuzz. SWASHBUCKLER Perfect! The thing we need in our situation. MARIA CAROLINA Are you that desperate?

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SWASHBUCKLER Yes…For information. The numbers in their ranks must be quite tremendous. Some must be amateurs, they will not be cautious. Someone will brag, boast. Who better than a blackguard? Someone will slip. Who’s more helpful than a drunkard? MARIA CAROLINA I know you and your friends capable of prowess, And I wish you the luck to ensure your success. SWASHBUCKLER I thank you once more for your consideration. I hope to see you soon. MARIA CAROLINA ‘Tis an obligation! (Exeunt Swashbuckler, Maria Carolina) Scene 2 (Richard’s Tavern. Colin and Robin are sitting at a table. There are other clients around, talking and drinking.) ROBIN She is not! COLIN She is! That’s how it starts, courtship : Eye contact. ROBIN I…I’m not gifted with words. COLIN Bullwhip! ROBIN (She’s about to correct him but changes her mind) It’s true. I do not possess the capacity To put feelings into words, unlike you. COLIN What? Me? Of course you can too. ‘Tis question of practice. ‘Tis exactly why you should talk to that novice, That fair, young waitress that has been circling around. I can start the conversation. How does that sound? ROBIN Colin, we have better things to do. 53

COLIN Methinks not. ROBIN I should think too. COLIN Not. ROBIN Too. COLIN Not. ROBIN Mission…you forgot? COLIN The plot can wait. At least it can wait ten minutes. How else are you going to find out your limits, If you never try? ROBIN She is not interested, I warrant thee. COLIN Let me ascertain it. Granted, You are English…That could well be an obstacle… (He looks at Robin smugly) Seriously, there is no need for miracle. You come off as good-natured and unassuming, Yet a soldier, which means fortitude – ROBIN And killing… COLIN (He dismisses her remark) I invite her for a drink, you talk, as I would. ROBIN Pray don’t, Colin, I am clearly not in the mood. COLIN What did I say about living in the present? ROBIN Maybe later, if we do find the document. (Exit Robin) 54

COLIN It is a strange feeling, seeing a youth like him, Replete with qualities, skills, yet looking so grim. He could ask for the world, and the world would comply ; If he talked to angels, the angels would reply ; His smile is compelling, so is his good nature ; It won’t take him a year to increase his stature. His wife will be happy, when he finds that someone. But he is also right, there is work to be done. (Exit Colin. Enter Swashbuckler and Henry) HENRY I had the time to meet with the chief of police. I warned him of the huge potential prejudice In case we failed to recover the document. SWASHBUCKLER You briefed him exactly on what is our intent? HENRY I did not specify the investigation, Our methods or our clues, our every suspicion. I told him that, first, we would inquire on our side, That they should do the same. SWASHBUCKLER I hope we coincide, In our line of action. Did he give you some…tips? HENRY Yes. Not to expect anything from the barkeeps, Rather ask their clients. SWASHBUCKLER Did we pick the right shop? HENRY Again, yes. But we will need to split up and hop, For there are many others. We could make three teams. SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis right. We have scores of people to see, HENRY Droves, SWASHBUCKLER Reams. HENRY

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There is also a man, well versed in…everything Who knows all about Prague, what is there happening. His name’s Aquarius, his shop is in Old Town, Like this inn. He would wear the biggest, rarest, crown, If knowledge was a title. SWASHBUCKLER It sounds promising. Well, any other issue we need addressing? (Enter Irina) IRINA Henry! It is such not a surprise to see you! (She bows her head ever so lightly in direction of Swashbuckler) Armand… HENRY Krasota! Walking in here, in plain view?! Are you not afraid this…event might cause a stir? IRINA What can I say, Henry? I like to give a spur To hard-working people and foreign spies alike. I’m generous with my beauty. HENRY How ladylike… IRINA What? They do not see something gorgeous every day… Do they? HENRY Definitely not. You’re here for the fray, I suppose. IRINA Wrong, for revelry, jest, and romance. SWASHBUCKLER We came for the same reasons all the way from France. IRINA Then we will meet one another in the ballroom, Won’t we? HENRY I look forward to it. Who is your groom? IRINA I am not sure just yet. I feel that it might change.

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HENRY It depends if you’re done exacting your revenge? IRINA Henry, Henry…How long has it been? HENRY Too long, why? IRINA You should know I have no reason for you to die. HENRY When was the last time we tried to kill each other? Was it in London? Greece? Maybe in Hanover? IRINA Water under the bridge… HENRY Why not tell the truth then? IRINA It so happens a tragedy has befallen Not just England but, sadly, Europe as a whole, Because of your incompetence and a wee mole. Is that truthful enough? Be careful what you wish… SWASHBUCKLER Now that is being honest! HENRY I do not relish The ominous prospect… IRINA You are not one to sob, So don’t tell me what to do, and do your own job. Now, I have an appointment that I cannot postpone. (She makes to leave) SWASHBUCKLER Love the perfume, by the way. Fire and brimstone? (She looks at him but does not acknowledge his quip. Exit Irina. Swashbuckler and Henry keep talking. Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery) MOINEAU You see, jackanapes, ‘twas easier than we thought. Information was free, didn’t need to be bought. We will have lunch, drink some ale, and be on our way. TEW 57

And you really think he will give his boon away? I don’t care what anyone says, it’s codswallop Eh, Avery? AVERY What? I was eyeing that trollop, Not listening to you. I know my name’s one-sack… MOINEAU Stop it! Our goal – AVERY Is to be done with stale hardtack. To me that is more important than gold. After… So, I don’t care what it takes : robbery, murder, I’ll do it. TEW I like your newfound enthusiasm. AVERY I’ve just been reminded of a nice phantasm, That, in order it be satisfied…well, it is… Easier when you possess plenty of riches. MOINEAU ‘Tis getting tiresome. One-sack, one-eye, are ye done? (Swashbuckler and Henry overheard the conversation and stood up to approach the pirates) SWASHBUCKLER One-eye? A pirate’s name if I ever heard one. MOINEAU Sailors, good sir. We are poor and frail sailors. HENRY While, for our part, we are poor yet mighty jailers. TEW I am called one-eye for I lost one to a hook. SWASHBUCKLER Let me guess…You were fishing…somewhere…on a brook, And it happened so fast… TEW You presume correctly. AVERY I am called one-sack –

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SWASHBUCKLER I will stand the mystery. What might three…gentlemen, like yourselves, be doing, Here, in Prague, of all places? MOINEAU Strolling, visiting… Granted, this city is not the most maritime, But we can enjoy it unless…it is a crime? SWASHBUCKLER Not yet. So, this has nothing to do with the ball? TEW & AVERY What ball? SWASHBUCKLER The one in Prague Castle. The concert hall Will welcome many a noble man and woman. TEW & AVERY When? MOINEAU I’m not interested, for I’m no cracksman. TEW & AVERY When will it happen? MOINEAU Shut it, for crying out loud! SWASHBUCKLER It could attract unsavory folks, the wrong crowd… I suggest you be extra careful your time here, Guards are on the lookout – and each one has a spear. MOINEAU We will pay heed to your extremely sound advice. With any luck, we will be gone by then. SWASHBUCKLER That’s nice. MOINEAU Now, if you will excuse us, we have some business… SWASHBUCKLER Of course, I hope I didn’t cause any distress. What did you say your name was again, voyager? MOINEAU 59

I didn’t. I do not share it with a stranger. (Swashbuckler awaits the reply, hand on the hilt of his sword) I was named after my father : Jacques Moineau. SWASHBUCKLER Jacques Moineau, eh? He must have been…a drôle d’oiseau. Enjoy your stay in Prague, your return to the sea. By the way, where is your father now? MOINEAU No idea. Possibly in Singapore. SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis impossible! MOINEAU If he was present, he would say improbable. (Exeunt Moineau, Tew, Avery) SWASHBUCKLER We will need keep an eye on them. HENRY I doubt them too. If three men ever looked like pirates…well, they do. Scene 3 (Aquarius’ shop. A bazaar full to the brim with sundry objects, stacks of books, chemistry equipment. Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery) MOINEAU Is there someone in here? Is the place deserted? TEW Is this a test? See how long we will have waited Before tearing the place down? AVERY This shop is a mess. Look at all this junk…’Tis scary I must confess. Vials, bottles filled with limbs, sundry instruments… TEW Eclectic items, odd jars, dubious contents. AVERY Look at that! A helmet, from a real knight’s armor! TEW

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You’ve a vizard, Avery. For a warrior, It be most befitting. AVERY I see you found one too! TEW It’s my face you cur! MOINEAU Enough already you two! TEW Are you sure he’s not dead that doctor…Sirius? AQUARIUS (The voice comes from afar) Aquarius. TEW Doctor who? AQUARIUS ‘Tis Aquarius. Not Doctor ‘Sirius,’ not Doctor ‘who?’ either. Since you are not men of science, why the bother? What’s the need for this ruckus, this cacophony? Who are you to disrupt my precious harmony? MOINEAU Most wise Aquarius, my name is Jacques Moineau. We have sailed with my friends straight from Porto Rico. We were told you could help in matters that pertain To secret lore. We could drive an easy bargain. We are most pliable and ready to offer, A lot more than is worth a short stack of paper. AQUARIUS I don’t need to be wise : you’re looking for John Dee. Well, his papers that tell the possibility, Of turning refuse into gold. ‘Tis quite a task. MOINEAU You – AQUARIUS No. I know because you’re not the first to ask. How are you different? Why should you possess them? MOINEAU It will not be used for riches, or cause mayhem. It is meant to create our sweet Libertalia, 61

An island, a refuge, for any pariah. Far from all the troubles and travails of the world, In which the powerful and the weak have been hurled All alike. ‘Tis utopia, a paradise. ‘Tis less than civilization : a compromise, Between a life of crime and one of slavery. ‘Tis not to end up rich, but secure and happy. AQUARIUS I’m surprised, for you seem to be speaking the truth. I am old and ‘tis a rare thing to see, forsooth. I’m a Pangloss to boot, an overt enthusiast, But ‘tis the first time I see such honesty fast. MOINEAU I knew you would see reason. AQUARIUS ‘Tis not just reason. ‘Tis ennui and the coming of my last season… (Speaking more to himself than to the pirates) It is not people surround me. ‘Tis a tidings. A tidings of magpies. For they like shiny things, Trinkets, dross, baubles, gold and other bagatelles. And when it is not things, it is damsels or belles (When it is not floozies, filles de joie, trulls, harlots). How I long to converse not with prize idiots, But with the geniuses of old, Plato, Aristotle, Diogenes, or even any apostle. As the poet said, the flesh is unfulfilling Alas! and I’ve read all the books. ‘Tis maddening. I am sorry for musing sadly. My last breath Should happen soon, I am not afraid to meet death. This is also my way of saying – just in case – That since I fear not the Grim Reaper’s sweet embrace, You have nothing with which to threaten me. Nothing. You need not think about stealing or menacing. MOINEAU All those horrible thoughts never did cross my mind. Now, what say you we put introductions behind? What about the papers, those written by John Dee? Do you have them? Do they tell of the…recipe? AQUARIUS Yes, yes. But have you something to trade? MOINEAU I do. A rare volume on pagan religion : Vodou.

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AQUARIUS (He looks at the book) Fie! I already have it! TEW & AVERY We did this for naught! MOINEAU Are you certain that those papers cannot be bought. AQUARIUS (He ponders the question some time) There is one thing… TEW & AVERY What is it? AQUARIUS Well, other papers… MOINEAU Which ones? AQUARIUS Are you willing to become gravediggers? TEW & AVERY How so? AQUARIUS There is a tomb in the cemetery, In which are interred tools…powerful sorcery. It is that of Rabbi Loew, the famed creator Of the golem, a juggernaut and destructor. Through powerful hexes, he did, that Maharal, Animate a lump of clay, strong but amoral. Bring what you find to me…You can keep your Vodou. TEW If he is around the corner, why didn’t you – AQUARIUS (To himself) Blessed ignoramuses! Because of the curse… AVERY What? AQUARIUS Rehearse…potion-making. I have to rehearse. All the time. And I’m old. And busy. You can leave… 63

(He dismisses them summarily. Exit Aquarius) MOINEAU He did say curse. Well, we will find others to heave That tomb. We will hire two strong men, to deal with that. To work, ye fools. And keep all this under your hat. Scene 4 (In the streets of Prague. Enter Swashbuckler, Henry, Colin, Robin, John, Patrick) SWASHBUCKLER Aquarius was no help. HENRY He’s not in his prime. It was too much to ask, helping us defeat crime. He leaves in his ivory tower of knowledge, Not safely inside, mind you, rather on the ledge. JOHN We should do as you both suggested earlier : Split up, investigate, alone or together. PATRICK I’ll join the police, they question their informants. HENRY For my part I will talk to the guild of merchants. SWASHBUCKLER There are many drunkards, over in Hradcany. JOHN I know a few ladies who feel quite gossipy. ROBIN I’ll to Mala Strana, it’s full of busy streets. Peradventure someone will talk. COLIN If it’s bandits? I think I’ll go with you. You know, just to be safe. (He looks embarrassed) Er…How is your wound by the way? Does it still…chafe? SWASHBUCKLER We have two more days before the ball gentlemen. It is time to prove that, as friends and as brethren, We are stronger and smarter than our enemies. They are ahead but we have skills, abilities. They are plenty, we are tight-knit and resourceful. 64

They are afraid, rushing, we are thorough, careful. We should not waver for we are gaining on them. Never doubt it and we will not face a problem We cannot overcome. Now, away all of you, We meet at the tavern later for a review. (Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry, John, Patrick) COLIN So…Mala Strana. Across the Charles Bridge… ROBIN Yes, and? COLIN Nothing, nothing. ROBIN My arm is fine, so is my hand. COLIN I didn’t – ROBIN I see you glimpsing from time to time. COLIN I don’t want you to end up with septi…septim… ROBIN Septicemia, with a French ‘i’, not an ‘aïe’. COLIN That one. In any case, I don’t want you to die. ROBIN I can’t, my…our mission is far from over yet. COLIN It seems so important to you. You look so… set. ROBIN I am. I need prove that though hatred is potent, Faithfulness, friendship and love are more important. I want to show betrayers never do prosper ‘Tis truth that vanquish all and end up the winner. (They stand in awkward silence for a moment) ROBIN Earlier you mentioned the fact that I seem raised Differently than most. COLIN 65

You wonder what amazed – ROBIN I do. Pray tell, Colin, what is it you find odd? COLIN I already feel bad for looking like a sod When earlier I said all those things about you. ROBIN But I do want to know what is your point of view. COLIN Why the sudden interest? What changed since last night? ROBIN I have overreacted, you may have been right. I value your opinion. If I know what’s wrong, Maybe I can correct it. COLIN You are lithe and headstrong, ‘Tis a dangerous mix, but you are not my foe. There is nothing to correct, Robin. I should know. (He pauses a few seconds, uncertain whether he should proceed or not) I have been watching you, spying your every move, There is nary a thing in you I disapprove. You have the qualities only women possess. I know I should stay quiet but I cannot suppress The heavy thoughts that weigh on me like an anchor. I’m about to capsize, and unleash your rancor, But I will speak my mind. Either way it is death. So bear with me, Robin, for a while hold your breath. You seem to have been fed not only the best milk, You appear to have been dressed in the best of silk. Your bearing is royal, your mien avuncular. Your parents must have laced your drinks with some nectar, And mix with victuals the Gods’ own ambrosia. I could forget my name, be struck with amnesia, Just by staying too long with you on this mission. Your face is so demure, it screams of perfection. Your self-restraint, sobriety, are examples For many a man. They should have their own temples. You share with goddesses, simplicity, kindness, Raw power you always use wisely, thank goodness! You should settle for King, or no less than a Duke (Robin is about to say something) Please allow me, before uttering your rebuke. You deserve a mansion, or better a palace, To highlight your assets : you’re a rara avis. You look fit for brocade, even on mundane days ; 66

You should wear damask with elaborate inlays, as you get out of bed. I imagine you change Attire twice a day, for you own a wide range. I picture that at night, you wear yraigne for bed (‘Tis said to be light and strong like a spider’s thread). Your eyes are like two gems, at night coruscating, Wells of inspiration during the day. Soothing Is how your voice sounds even in the early hour. Your breath is a perfume while mine is just sour. Yet I know you practice both sword and rapier, And if we were to duel I would not wager That I’d be the victor. I have experience But you…your mere carriage commends obedience. I could go on and on, until the trumpets sounds – ROBIN (She’s blushing and trying to cover her face) Pray, Monsieur, stay quiet. Your avowal abounds With compliments I do not deserve. COLIN Every one Is tried and true, I swear. Next to you I look wan, And I am musketeer, several years older. Yet, you’re the one impress your will on the other. Nothing that I could add would be superfluous. ROBIN Everything that you said is but meretricious. COLIN If only you spoke French, I would give an encore. ROBIN You see gifts where are none. I do not bleed ichor. COLIN But – ROBIN Marry, Monsieur, stop! Let us leave it at that. We are on assignment. To be apt for combat We have to stay focused. COLIN I do apologize. I had to speak my mind. Did I antagonize – ROBIN No, Colin. I value your friendship above all. But let’s quell the matter and resort to our role. 67

I appreciate more than you know, I admit, Your confession. It’s true, it does elicit… Something…within myself that I have never felt. COLIN Please do not feel obliged – ROBIN I am not here to pelt You, Colin. Please, it is now my turn to finish. We have still a lot to achieve and accomplish. We have Europe to save – we are deeply embroiled – There are conspirators, evil plans, should be foiled. We are to help our kings by playing the police. We are quite busy. But I want you to know this : I find your attitude neither unbecoming Nor untoward, improper…even unsettling. I cannot say more…yet. You are not immoral. Your timing I’m afraid, is less than optimal, Inopportune even. I wish you had waited. I brought this upon me, it was not intended. I do thank you though for being blunt, not tacit, It shows that you have courage, that you have merit. I would very much fancy you staying around. That I do enjoy your presence should not astound. COLIN If I may…I would we went our separate ways. ROBIN But…I… COLIN I must insist. My…My speech underplays… Greatly…my state of mind. My feelings are wayward, My assurance is gone, yourself appear awkward. I am confused and lost, ‘tis not acceptable, When we are expected to be reliable. I wish I could take back, much – if not all – I said. Please forget everything, otherwise I’m afraid It will put our mission in full jeopardy. Out of respect for me, please stay away. Merci.

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Act IV Scene 1 (The scene takes place first in the street, in front of Aquarius’ shop, then inside the shop itself. Enter Moineau, Tew, Avery) MOINEAU You see, dear scallywags, the task wasn’t so bad. TEW The booty be decent – AVERY We’ve reasons to be glad! MOINEAU We found a book, objects, and handwritten parchments. This should be well enough to trade the documents. The mage will be happy. TEW We avoided the curse! AVERY I would have minded leaving fair Prague in a hearse. MOINEAU I was inspired to hire those ugly handymen. If Aquarius be right, ‘tis a bad omen. TEW Where are they anyway? They did earned their reward. AVERY Maybe buying new clothes now that they can afford… MOINEAU They will meet us later, they had errands to run. AVERY That grave digging exhausted me, it was no fun. TEW And we hardly had any sleep. MOINEAU It’s opening. (The shutters open. They walk into Aquarius’ shop. Enter Aquarius) AQUARIUS What is it that you want early in the morning? 69

MOINEAU We brought you what you asked. AQUARIUS Already? Cor! ‘Twas fast! MOINEAU It was easy. TEW Simple. AVERY Quicker than say ‘Avast!’ MOINEAU As you can see, we are gentlemen of our word. AQUARIUS (Aquarius shuffles piles of papers) So am I. Here it is, what you want, early bird. (He hands Moineau some documents) As you can see at the bottom is his trademark. Rarely he used his name, sometimes he used futhark, But always were his numbers, double ‘O,’ seven. It is his signature, on his letters even. You have the formula, you have the ingredients… MOINEAU What are those signs, symbols? And all those elements? AQUARIUS I took the liberty to write down…‘Tis a chart. It does indicate how you should practice the ‘Art.’ You will need mercury, silver, gold and camphor. It will necessitate vials, an athanor, And sundry equipment…‘Tis all inscribe below. MOINEAU How fast is this process? AQUARIUS Alas, extremely slow. It would take you a year. MOINEAU ‘Tis better than nothing. TEW & AVERY A year?! MOINEAU 70

Enough, scoundrels. (To Aquarius) We do not mind waiting. Right? (Enter Swashbuckler, Colin, Robin) COLIN You were inspired, Swash, to follow those pirates. ROBIN We need to arrest them. COLIN Put them all behind struts. ROBIN Bars. COLIN Either way. SWASHBUCKLER Good sirs, you will need follow us. We are arresting you. Please do not make a fuss. We are trained soldiers while you carry no weapon. You have a bunch of sheets, we have a garrison. TEW Why? We did naught wrong. AVERY Except…the cemetery. MOINEAU Hold your tongues, fools. It is time for diplomacy. (He lurches forward and gets a hold of a sword. He nods to his accomplices to do the same) We went to great length, an awful lot of trouble, To get those documents. COLIN Now you are in double, For you won’t be leaving as long as we draw breath. MOINEAU ‘Tis your warrant you sign, cuz it won’t be my death. There is too much at stake to just give them to you. (He puts the papers in his vest) AQUARIUS Stop it!

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ROBIN You will not be harmed until we interview – (They thrust their swords at one another a few times but are impeded by the furniture and all the junk in the shop. They break some beakers) AQUARIUS Criminy! Watch out rogues! This is all my life’s work. Help me my assistant! By God, where is my clerk? Where is Joseph Ducreux when you need him the most? MOINEAU I sympathize. When a lad is not at his post, It is most displeasing. AQUARIUS You want a distraction? (He rummages in his right pocket and gets some powder he throws to the ground. Nothing happens) Fie! Those are my ground cocoas for my concoction. (He rummages in his left pocket and gets another powder he throws again to the floor. There is a puff of white smoke and when it lifts, he has disappeared. Exit Aquarius) SWASHBUCKLER What say you scoundrels we fight like real men. TEW Agreed! ROBIN Evil is fast spreading, time to root out its weed. (The characters aim for the door. They all exit the shop except Aquarius and start the fight in the street) Scene 2 (Swashbuckler is paired with Moineau, Colin with Tew, Robin with Avery. They fight on and off stage) SWASHBUCKLER What did you do it for? Is it power? Money? MOINEAU Something ye’ll never experience : liberty! Ye can’t ask a soldier to fight for an ideal. What do ye know of loss, pain, suffering, ordeal? You take orders, you obey, you have no meaning. You borrow it from others…You are a lemming! Poor soul, you have never known the taste of freedom. Your pathetic existence is…someone’s kingdom.

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SWASHBUCKLER I do not endanger people’s lives recklessly. I have honor and faith, morals and dignity. TEW Mates, I’ll help you, we should be done in a second. This lad be weak. COLIN Poor sod, I’m as hard as diamond. You’re a donkey! ROBIN An ass… AVERY Mine’s even easier. Tew, who will be the first to win? Care to wager? (Enter Henry, John, Patrick) HENRY Surrender now blackguards! You are overpowered. We are six now. Your defeat cannot be deferred. (Enter Thieves 1 and 2. The second one is bulky, huge, wears a scarf over his face and sports ragged clothes) MOINEAU Help, lads! Come hither lend us your arms and daggers. See that? We just enrolled a set of murderers… One is a golem! JOHN Egad! They have a golem! COLIN So? JOHN ‘Tis a devilish creature. SWASHBUCKLER Not a problem. Henry? HENRY Yes? SWASHBUCKLER Prithee assist me. Do take my place. (Henry rushes to fight Moineau while Swashbuckler tackles thief 2. Exeunt. Patrick struggles with thief 1) 73

SWASHBUCKLER Aroint, fiend! PATRICK May I ask what is that we face? ROBIN We saw them take the documents. They must be stopped. COLIN If you can’t manage that…well, they have to be dropped. PATRICK John, what is a golem? JOHN A demon in the flesh. Or…not…since it has none. TEW You like him? He be fresh… AVERY Fresh from the graveyard, where we picked him up last night. TEW We revived him. AVERY He obeys our command, that’s right. We crafted him out of solid rock, not mere clay. His weak spot is his hand – on which yours will not lay – For ‘tis where is inscribed his word of life : ‘Emet.’ To kill him would require that this be turned to ‘Met.’ MOINEAU You should run while you can, he is unstoppable. COLIN Well, your face is wonky and you’re despicable. ‘Tis why you should surrender. TEW A bloody poet, That be no opponent. ROBIN ‘Gainst an analphabet? I should think so. AVERY

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The lad be mighty protective. PATRICK There’s no need for armor against your invective. (He stabs Thief 1 who drops his sword and staggers down the street. He follows him. Exeunt) HENRY John, see to it that the old man does not escape. I will need have a word, once I’m done with this ape. (John enters the shop. Henry turns to Moineau once more) You have not your sea legs this is terra firma. MOINEAU My sword is all I need to inflict a trauma, Which is what your allies will feel when I kill you. HENRY Your eyes are terrible, you take me for a shrew When I am a soldier more than experienced, Strong, embattled. MOINEAU You forget knave, as evidenced – (Henry slashes Moineau’s vest with the point of his sword. The papers fall to the ground. Moineau hesitates a second then decides to run away. Exit Moineau) HENRY Two down, three to go. (He pursues Moineau. Exit Henry) ROBIN This is your last chance, scoundrel. (The swordfights switch : Tew turns to Robin and Avery to Colin) AVERY Tew? What we be doing? TEW Bumping off a minstrel. COLIN Your boss is fleeing. Doesn’t that give you ideas? AVERY You be worse than – TEW On a sick dog a swarm of fleas. Aboard a ship, you wouldn’t stand a chance. COLIN 75

Boohoo! TEW Teetotaler! ROBIN My…! Is that the worst you can do? (She lurches forward and disarms Tew, but she ends up off balance for a second and he jumps on this occasion to push her against a wall. She tries to get up but collapses under the effort. She remains on the ground unconscious. Tew escapes. Exit) COLIN Robin…! You’ll pay for that, knave! (He stabs Avery on the shoulder.) AVERY Ouch! Until next time… (Exit Avery. Colin goes to Robin’s help. He carries her inside the shop. Exeunt. Enter Swashbuckler and Thief 2) SWASHBUCKLER This is not a battle, barely a pantomime. ‘Tis no monster I face, only a criminal, Even if he has the strength of an animal. THIEF 2 I have been to prison. I won’t be going back. SWASHBUCKLER As you wish. Here is my secret compound attack. (Swashbuckler delivers several feints and thrusts in a row, finally piercing his enemy’s chest. Thief 2 collapses) You sealed your own fate, fell for my most artful thrust. I did not enjoy it, I suffer no bloodlust. (Enter Henry) HENRY I admire your dexterity and aptitude. They set a shining example, Swash. SWASHBUCKLER Pulchritude. (He waves his sword) It was pulchritude slew the monster…means ‘beauty.’ HENRY I am English, I know what it means. ‘Tis…funny… Odd. What made you choose such a name for a weapon? SWASHBUCKLER Well, nature abhors a vacuum. Whereupon, For every life I take, I like imagining 76

A new one replaces it…a new beginning. I help create beauty, in my own crooked way. HENRY An interesting take. I might use it one day. (They get near the fallen papers. Swashbuckler picks them up) SWASHBUCKLER What in the…?! HENRY In the name of the wee man! SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis not… HENRY All this fighting and this killing, it was for naught! SWASHBUCKLER It is not the treaty. It is some…gibberish. I have never seen those symbols, mixed with English. HENRY I have. I wot not what they mean, as it happens. Supposedly they descended from the heavens… SWASHBUCKLER We will need go inside, ask the old man for more. He must know what this is that both of us ignore. Scene 3 (In Aquarius’ shop. Robin is sitting in an armchair, recovering. Colin is pacing nervously the narrow aisles. Aquarius is looking pensive) COLIN He fought, he fainted, he looks hurt. C’est grave, docteur? You know what ill affects him? Will he get better? AQUARIUS (Looks at Robin, auscultates her for a minute, feels her pulse, touches her forehead. Then he stands up and looks around in his shop) I need my vials, my books, every ingredient. There are no instructions to treat – COLIN What? AQUARIUS Such patient. Let’s see. Wait. Let’s see. How about…an ounce of shonth? 77

I forget, my assistant finished it last month. (Talking to himself) (For the millionth time he has to be reminded To place a new order : our stocks are depleted.) (Turns to Robin) Fear not, shonth is ginger and not recommended For what ails you. What next? Something basic? Acid? I could pour in your glass a drop of fresh silver As well as blood of snake, or an eye of elver. COLIN That made me shiver. I think I’m gonna be sick. AQUARIUS Why don’t you wait outside? You will feel terrific. COLIN I cannot leave his bedside unless he is well. ROBIN Worry not, Colin. This trifle is no death knell. (Enter Swashbuckler, Henry) HENRY (Turns to Colin and head nods towards Robin) Colin, how does the lad feel? Is he maimed or hurt? COLIN We are not sure yet. Forgive me if I seem curt. (Swashbuckler hands the papers over to Aquarius) SWASHBUCKLER What are those? AQUARIUS Rare papers. Handwritten manuscript. John Dee’s work, done entirely in angelic script. SWASHBUCKLER Are they worth a lot? AQUARIUS For the uninformed? No, no. They are abstruse and cryptic. Not for the wise, though. HENRY For pirates? AQUARIUS It depends…If they are resourceful… Can I have them back? Perchance, they could be useful.

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SWASHBUCKLER What if I keep them? AQUARIUS They are mine! It will cost you. Have you got a fiefdom? (Swashbuckler nods yes) That much. And your gold, too! You look friendly, I’ll throw a steed in the bargain. SWASHBUCKLER My fiefdom? For a mule? AQUARIUS A steed, sir. SWASHBUCKLER What a gain! Am I the King of England, lost in a meadow, To be dealt such lousy, one-sided quid pro quo?! What did they give you for them? Money? AQUARIUS Er…Nothing. They…stole them. HENRY Unlikely. We are confiscating. Make sure our lad there is in full recovery, We might change our minds. AQUARIUS ‘Tis outrageous! Larceny! I accept. Now be gone and let me do my work. SWASHBUCKLER Colin, stay with Robin. If the old man does irk – COLIN Swash, I will take care of everything, worry not. I’m certain Robin’s state is no cause to be fraught. (Exeunt Swashbuckler, Henry) AQUARIUS Then let’s resume, shall we? How about this purple – (He looks at some vial) Powder. It’s safe, I can prescribe a whole scruple. ROBIN What is it? AQUARIUS 79

I assume…Elysian asphodel. I sprinkle some over a glass of muscadel, When I fancy one. COLIN (Colin brings something from behind a counter) If he decides to wolf down That nice-looking strudel? AQUARIUS What? Put it away clown! This is meant for a dog that suffers belly aches, Not for a grown adult. That would require mandrakes. COLIN This is not a disease, it is a scourge, a curse. ROBIN (Robin doesn’t look excited) Will I then feel better? AQUARIUS It can’t make you feel worse. COLIN You don’t seem confident, that’s a cause for alarm. AQUARIUS I know what I am doing, it involves no harm. COLIN What speciality, what credentials are yours? AQUARIUS Well, everyday I face and have to deal with boors! I am a physician, can treat any disease. I have completed an alchemical treatise : The book of Aquarius. Are you cognizant – COLIN I can’t say that I am. AQUARIUS It is most excellent. (He turns To Robin once again) If you are reluctant, why not try some bugloss. Wait… ‘Tis a heart stimulant, ill-fitting like dross. I have concoctions aplenty, the widest range You will find in Old Town. COLIN (Colin comes from behind a shelf with something in his hand) 80

How about an orange? AQUARIUS (Looking exasperated) If she suffered from mange, I would consider it. Now, please find us a sleeping draught and swallow it. ROBIN At this rhythm, will I survive the antidote? COLIN Do not falter in your will to live. Lose not hope, I pray thee. We are doomed to failure without you. ROBIN Cheers, Colin, but you exaggerate my value. COLIN I swear on my life we wouldn’t have gotten far Without your skills, your tact – you are no faire-valoir. AQUARIUS Young man why don’t you try and make yourself useful By drinking some cordial. COLIN How much? AQUARIUS Until you’re full. (Exit Colin. Aquarius turns to Robin and stares at her for a long time) You suffer I’m afraid from apodyopsis. ROBIN Are you certain, doctor, of your diagnosis? What about all the drugs? What’s with the theatrics? AQUARIUS To get rid of the man. Hence my tricks and antics. You forgive me, I trust. ROBIN If I return to health, I will grant you your wish and share with you my wealth. AQUARIUS Your disease is a lot milder than you may dream, In spite of what I’ve said, in spite of what I seem. I have lived long enough, to see when such a case Strikes a young lad like you – ROBIN 81

(Unnerved) I hope it’s just a phase. AQUARIUS I’m afraid not. But you did not let me finish. It affects men and women alike. The coyish No less than the forward. ROBIN (Pressing) Help me! What is the cure? AQUARIUS It’s only natural, even for one demure Like yourself…young lady. ROBIN (Surprised, Robin recoils) I am a man doctor, Though I look boyish. AQUARIUS I won’t betray your honor, Worry not. You must have your reasons to disguise Such pure and lovely face. Your fairness caught his eyes, I see why. But you should know that even a quack Can be perspicacious. In fact we have a knack For seeing through people. ROBIN You command my respect, Doctor. Please stay true to your promise. The prospect Of my friends learning the truth – I cannot afford, Not just yet. AQUARIUS As I said, you have my word, My Lord. ROBIN Now for the problem at hand. AQUARIUS Yes? ROBIN What remedy, Doctor? AQUARIUS What do you mean? ROBIN 82

You know, my malady! AQUARIUS Oh that? ‘Tis nothing. ROBIN Nothing?! An apoapsis?! AQUARIUS It is even better : an a-po-dy-o-psis. ROBIN What is it then? (Aquarius whispers to her the definition. Robin covers her mouth with her hand and pronounces the next words indignantly) I do not! AQUARIUS I am old and wise – ROBIN As in old fart and wisecracker? No one denies. AQUARIUS I mean, I trust my judgment of your behavior. I see how you react, witness your demeanor When the man is around : you’re not the same person. You and him always talk and act in unison. ROBIN If I were you, magus, I would stick to potions But not of love : you can’t recognize emotions. As for your conclusion, I am adamantly Opposed to it. AQUARIUS You can protest vehemently However you like, but the truth remains the truth. I don’t see the shame for my part. He’s a fine youth. ROBIN What about my weakness? Why ever did I faint? AQUARIUS Other than exhaustion? Fighting without restraint? I can think of nothing. You look healthy enough, You don’t suffer from flu, not even a hiccough. But I strongly suggest that you ponder the thought That I raised earlier about – him. ROBIN

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What? And be distraught? Thank you, doctor, for your most unhelpful input. Does this mean I can go? AQUARIUS No poultice and no root Will be of any help for your ‘rare’ condition. I suggest you succumb to your inclination. ROBIN There is a game afoot, more than a game a war, For the fate of Europe. To prevail I forswore Pesky impediments : friendship, family, love. I have no time to waste playing in an alcove. There is no place for a frivolous dalliance. My personal life is now held in abeyance. AQUARIUS Can you win without love? And if yes what’s the point? Empires come and go. Only love does anoint For all eternity. ROBIN How much do I owe you? AQUARIUS All the tips are on me. Promise me not to rue Your decision. ROBIN I will inform you if we save Europe. And for that, doctor, I need to behave. AQUARIUS (She is standing up and about to leave when he stays her hand ; He addresses her with a warning tone in his voice) Fighting men is easy, battling demons is not, And the worst of them all are not in Hell to plot. (Robin looks uncomprehending, Aquarius pauses a second) We’ve held the belief many a millennium, Our fiercest foes reside in Pandemonium. ‘Tis not so : they thrive happily in people’s mind. They dictate their actions, they order, lead, spellbind. If you let fear and hatred your heart inhabit, They have as good as won, you can concede defeat. ROBIN This is a sound advice, which I will try to heed. AQUARIUS One last thing if I may? 84

ROBIN By all means, pray proceed. AQUARIUS I don’t know if you heard…I own a stack of books, That is most impressive. It is on tenterhooks, I’m afraid to admit. ROBIN Why is that may I ask? AQUARIUS My current lively, healthy state, in which I bask, Will not last much longer. ROBIN Surely it is not true. You look handsome and swift. AQUARIUS Thank you for that review, But I know I am done. ROBIN Prithee, says who? AQUARIUS Quoth I. The portents are as clear as the sun in the sky. ROBIN You should move to London. AQUARIUS ‘Twill not alter my fate. I know you already have a lot on your plate, But I needs must bequeath my unique collection. Many of its items were meant for destruction – They are too powerful, easy to be misused – I could not bring myself to do it. If abused They could wreak a lot more than a gentle havoc. ROBIN Why me? AQUARIUS Well, I have a lot of faith in your stock. You seem reasonable, and a woman to boot. ROBIN I might be the wrong choice. 85

AQUARIUS In faith, the point is moot. I trust my instincts, they never failed me. Habits… Die hard. Has any man would notice, who has wits – (He head nods towards the street) ROBIN He has plenty, and his heart is in the right place. AQUARIUS As any man would notice, your features, your face, Betray your good nature. You are the right person. Let me give you this key… (He hands Robin a key and a piece of paper) …I can now jettison, Everything that was once mine. ROBIN Thank you for your trust. I hope I show worthy of it. AQUARIUS You look august, You do, indeed. ROBIN As long as I do not look vain… I thank you. AQUARIUS I hope we see each other again. ROBIN I will come back before your untimely demise. AQUARIUS All demise is timely. ROBIN I trust you, you are wise. (Exit Robin from the shop. She arrives in the street where Colin is already) COLIN I followed his advice and drank me some liquor. I don’t know about you but I feel much better. ROBIN You were fine in the first place, fool, I was hurting. Anyway, wait ‘til tomorrow, in the morning : I will feel elated, you will have a headache. COLIN 86

It may depend, Robin, at which time I awake. (Colin sits down to rest. Enter Swashbuckler) SWASHBUCKLER We know their hiding place, we must hurry and move. Now is the time if you have anything to prove. I hope you feel better. ROBIN I do but… SWASHBUCKLER (Points at Colin) What’s with him? ROBIN I hope this won’t have him fall down in your esteem… SWASHBUCKLER He’s sick? ROBIN He drank. A little bit. Of alcohol. SWASHBUCKLER Idiot! He might as well have dug his own hole. ROBIN Pray do not yell at him, he is fit for duty. He will only be a minute, I warrant thee. SWASHBUCKLER You have a lot of faith. ROBIN He is more than worthy. SWASHBUCKLER Then he’s just become your responsibility. Slap him! ROBIN Will…Will that do any good? Are you sure? SWASHBUCKLER Do it! ROBIN (She slaps Colin gently) Like that? SWASHBUCKLER 87

Try a lot harder, I assure – (She slaps Colin again as instructed and it echoes loudly, even Swashbuckler is startled. Colin wakes up and stands upright in a second, still confused though). COLIN Come back, coward! Let me unsheathe my sword! How dare… SWASHBUCKLER Musketeer? COLIN What? What is it? ROBIN (Innocent) Just a bad nightmare. COLIN It felt so real to me… SWASHBUCKLER Hep! We have to make haste. Our information, Colin, cannot go to waste. COLIN Right, the mission. SWASHBUCKLER Yes, the mission. Can we proceed? COLIN We can draw the conclusion, for I am rested. SWASHBUCKLER Then let us set out to punish some criminals, Get the undertaker busy with funerals. (Exeunt) Scene 4 (At a street corner, ten feet away from the alleged enemies’ lair. Swashbuckler, Henry, Patrick, Colin, Robin and a Traitor whose hands are bound) PATRICK Here is the foul traitor I managed to capture. Later I will tell you – ‘tis quite an adventure – He has been following John and I since morning. SWASHBUCKLER Where is John, by the way? PATRICK 88

Maybe still pursuing The pirates…At any rate, not ten yards away Is this cur’s hiding place. HENRY (He looks at the traitor ominously and pulls his sword) Alrighty, time to flay! TRAITOR 1 Please, don’t kill me! I will spill everything I know. There’s no need for torture. SWASHBUCKLER Aren’t you a nice fellow! Have you got the treaty? Where is it kept hidden? How many rooms? Have you got a cellar? Garden? How many seditious knaves stand guard as we speak? Hurry, fool, my sword is frantic! TRAITOR 1 I am so weak… There are two floors but neither a roof nor basement. We are a few guarding, but not a regiment. There should be six of us at any given time. SWASHBUCKLER How well do you know them, those foul partners in crime? TRAITOR 1 Not well. SWASHBUCKLER So then, it would not appear suspicious If, say, I entered? TRAITOR 1 No one would be dubious. HENRY As long as he knows the password, I imagine. SWASHBUCKLER Henry, that should not be too hard to determine. What is the password, knave? (He pretends to hit the traitor, the latter cowers) TRAITOR 1 It is “God save the quean!” HENRY (Henry is about to hit the traitor) You must think we are fools… 89

TRAITOR 1 This is not what I mean! It’s ‘quean…’ Q-U-E-A-N. HENRY You filthy scoundrel! This is no hiding place, it must be a brothel. (He strikes the traitor) TRAITOR 1 I swear it is true! It is meant as disrespect… SWASHBUCKLER You might be successful in your little effect. It would take deranged men to insult royalties. This has strongly revived our animosities. About the document, traitor, where is it kept? TRAITOR 1 Supposedly it’s here…This is not where I slept, I can’t really be sure… It was due yesterday. So, unless the carrier suffered a delay… SWASHBUCKLER What is his name? Is he from here or a stranger? TRAITOR 1 I swear I do not know who was that messenger. PATRICK What do we do now? What is our course of action? SWASHBUCKLER I go, I speak the password, I enter the mansion. I hold the door for you and kill the sentinel. You join me. We hack, we cut, we sever, we fell. ‘Tis not the hour to be shy : hoist the red flag. If they do oppose resistance…you kill the lag! It is not just for me this matter’s personal, Give no quarter. PATRICK Perfect. We await your signal. (Swashbuckler approaches the house in question. He knocks at the door. After a few seconds a small trap opens, level with his head. He whispers the password. The door opens. He draws his sword and stabs the vigil. He proceeds to hand signaling his allies who join him in mere seconds) SWASHBUCKLER By groups of two. Do no end up isolated. Yell loudly as soon as the papers are sighted. 90

(They enter a wide room ; two men are sitting at a table, their swords nearby ; they are startled) TRAITOR 2 Fie! Alarm! Intruders! Our defense has been breached! SWASHBUCKLER Draw sword, gentlemen. Time for sermons to be preached… With steel. (Swashbuckler and Patrick pursue the two traitors and disappear from view. Four more arrive ; Henry battles two of them) COLIN And style. ROBIN And resolve. HENRY And an iron fist! I feel reinvigorated. ROBIN An optimist, Is what this mission will make out of you, Henry. COLIN (Patrick reenters, still fighting, Colin in the meantime is parring) John? PATRICK No, this is Patrick. COLIN When will I learn? Marry! My apologies, I expected your partner. PATRICK He must have been detained by an urgent matter. He will sorely regret missing this great breakthrough. He was filled with despair that we found nothing new. (Exeunt Patrick and his opponent) COLIN Parry and thrust, thrice…This is getting tedious. Throw some compound attacks in the lot. Be ingenious! ROBIN Colin, pray do not brag, it is not becoming. COLIN Why not? I am certain women find it charming. 91

ROBIN Trust me, they do not! Plus, you will either end up Bloodied, maimed, crippled – COLIN ‘Tis a storm in a teacup… ROBIN …If you’re lucky that is. (They pursue their opponents off stage. Exeunt. Enter Swashbuckler, alone) HENRY Care to give me a hand? HENRY Certainly, she’s eager, Pulchritude, my old brand. HENRY We now ken the information was genuine. (Enter Irina) IRINA You also ascertained it will cause your ruin. HENRY (Henry spots Irina. She paces calmly the room while the men are fighting) Krasota! Why am I not surprised you are there… IRINA You are not half bad, Henry, as I thought you were. HENRY Here I was, thinking you innocent…What a fool! I should have known better. IRINA What’s the number one rule? Do not trust anyone when it come to affairs That pertain to the state. What is it that impairs, Henry, your judgment? I hope you’re not getting soft… HENRY Do not get you hopes high too fast. It is not oft – (He parries a blow at the last second) I can retaliate your nefarious acts. I’ll be a minute… IRINA Use it to straighten your facts, I am not the traitor.

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(Henry gets distracted, his sword flies away from his hand. He ends up on the floor as his opponent strikes him. As he goes to reach for his weapon, Irina stamps her foot on it) HENRY It does seem that you are… IRINA Don’t be a sore loser. HENRY Your heart is black as tar. As appealing too! IRINA Please, no need to be vulgar, I have known you voluble, even jocular, But this…? Coarseness is but the refuge of the weak, I trust you know it. Pray, do not appear so bleak… I am sorry, Henry, for your predicament. I really have to see what’s in that document. HENRY Please, as if you didn’t ken already! IRINA I don’t, ‘Tis why I’m here. HENRY Why believe you, it is your wont, After all, to lie, cheat – IRINA And defend my country! At least as much as you defend yours, obviously. (There are shouts and yells in the background. Patrick and Robin are seen pursuing their opponents across the stage. Colin arrives by himself and approaches Irina) COLIN You kill, you kill, and new ones sprout worse than mushrooms. IRINA You should grab your legs while – COLIN And you should grab some brooms, This place is fast becoming a mess. Your toothpick, Drop it! (He threatens Irina with his sword. Henry jumps on the occasion to grab his own and face the traitor) 93

IRINA Boy, soon you might feel more than just a prick. (They fight) HENRY Colin, my lad, please ensure you restrain your might, I need her alive. IRINA I do not deserve that spite. (One by one, Swashbuckler, Patrick and Robin come back) SWASHBUCKLER Give up, we are holding two of your men captive. IRINA You’re a soldier, and strong, but not too perceptive. You should pay attention and remove your blindfold. These are not my men. This house is not my stronghold. You will have to separate the wheat from the chaff. If you manage, that is. (She drops her sword. Henry’s opponent surrenders. He approaches her) HENRY How about that last laugh? IRINA You are gloating again, Henry. When will you learn? HENRY When you are exiled for good, never to return. SWASHBUCKLER Let’s do what we came for, recover the treaty. You, there, where is the product of your infamy? TRAITOR 2 I will never betray – (Swashbuckler smacks him in the stomach) SWASHBUCKLER Colin, watch over them. Let us search this mansion. (They each go their separate way. After a minute, a shout is heard off stage) SWASHBUCKLER I found it! (Enter Swashbuckler) It was hid upstairs, in a cupboard. (He reads the first lines)

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This time ‘tis ascertained. We could never afford To find a different one again. Time is short. IRINA May…May I have a look? HENRY Aren’t you a good sport?! (Swashbuckler rummages in his vest to get the other papers he kept. He gets distracted as one of the traitors tries to escape) COLIN Stand still, knave, your fate has been sealed! SWASHBUCKLER (Swashbuckler hands over papers to Robin who is standing next to him. He pockets the others) Robin, my lad, Please keep that in your coat. ROBIN I would be more than glad. SWASHBUCKLER Perchance, if you have time, you can return them. ROBIN Yes. (Robin places the documents as instructed) PATRICK What about those traitors? COLIN What about that traitress? IRINA (To Henry) He’s not bright, is he? HENRY (To Irina) He’s a man of principle. PATRICK Why don’t we take those wretched, god-awful people And push them firmly, head first, in the Vltava? HENRY ‘Twould not be cold enough for deadly Irina. COLIN 95

They deserve to be hung. ROBIN Hanged! COLIN What’s the difference? Can’t men be hung? HENRY It is not becoming parlance. Only coats should be hung. Prithee leave it at that. As for you Krasota…The so called diplomat. SWASHBUCKLER Colin, Robin, Patrick, escort our enemies To the prison, where they’ll have time for reveries. I want to thank you first for your contribution, You helped preserve countries and their population. You are unsung heroes, will always remain so If royals show themselves ungrateful, you should know That you have reasons to be satisfied and proud, I take this opportunity to say it loud. Thank you. COLIN Is the next round on you? SWASHBUCKLER The next three, yes! COLIN Hourrah! SWASHBUCKLER Also, tomorrow is a time of…liesse… HENRY Jubilation. SWASHBUCKLER Right, jubilation, revelry. We get to see the ball…and we’re not on duty! (Exeunt Colin, Robin, Patrick with the traitors) HENRY So, Irina. Are you willing to speak in sooth? Do you wish to cooperate? IRINA I spoke the truth. I was merely here because I was invited, 96

This morning, after breakfast. And I accepted. I knew about the theft, ‘tis why I left Russia. I suspected like you it would be Bohemia Where the story would unfold. Again, I was right. HENRY Please… IRINA ‘Tis true! SWASHBUCKLER Well, it would not be such a foresight… IRINA They needed to ensure Russia would have their ear, That I…we would pay heed, not welcome them with jeer. SWASHBUCKLER What did they say, when they invited you? IRINA Not much. That England and France were conspiring. SWASHBUCKLER Well, as such, ‘Tis not entirely false. IRINA I had to verify. It is my drive, as a human and as a spy, To protect my country. You, too, have the same urge. ‘Tis why we kill men, give birth to many a dirge. HENRY Swashbuckler? SWASHBUCKLER It has a ring of truth what she says. If you promise to stay dormant a few more days… Henry, I leave her all to you. (Exit Swashbuckler) Scene 5 IRINA I make no excuses. I am a patriot, You know it. HENRY 97

Careful you don’t become a zealot. The line is thin, as you are. IRINA Er…Thank you? HENRY Your fate, As it is, I decided it long ago. IRINA Great! How will you get rid of me, Henry? What manner? Will you kill me here, now? Or in London, later? Drowned in the Vltava? Or stabbed under a porch? Lathered with oil then set on fire with a torch? Abandon me in a desert, island or wood? Deprive me from sunlight, feed me your English food? In truth I hope death comes from you, not your fledgling. Wait…I get it! You found something more…becoming! Poison of euphorbia – rather its latex? (Henry is impassive) Exile in Bedlam? In the Tower? In Sussex? HENRY I was thinking…Crete IRINA (Startled) Crete? What’s there? The Labyrinth? Will you maroon me there with bottles of absinth Until I turn insane? Devilish contraption! I know…The Samaria gorge…And dehydration. Please, Henry, do not leave me hanging endlessly. How will you write my fate, the end of my story? HENRY How does sound a pied-à-terre in Heraklion? IRINA What?! (She pauses a second and finally asks, suspicious) Who would be my jailer? HENRY Your…amphitryon… Would be me. IRINA Are…Are you suggesting we…elope? HENRY 98

‘Twould be sanctioned by England – possibly the Pope. IRINA (Blasé) Of course it would. So, you would sacrifice yourself? Give up your famed career, place your sword on a shelf? HENRY Worse still : at all times you would have the upper hand. A small price to pay for the safety of England! IRINA What will the king say knowing his star captain flouts – HENRY As long as we are informed of your whereabouts… ‘Tis the opinion prevailing in our kingdom, You shouldn’t be able to enjoy your freedom. IRINA What is yours? HENRY You are not fit for fetters either. You deserve a mansion under a nice weather, You deserve company other than a jailer ; You should laugh and revel, it does do you wonder ; You are meant to be served, not to become a slave, It should be by a king, not by far by a knave. You merit no scaffold, rather a pedestal, Not a condemnation, rather an acquittal. IRINA Oh my, captain! Is the mask falling at long last? Are you…? HENRY I am! I…and…well…It happened so fast. I love you, Madame. IRINA I… HENRY Allow me to finish. I am sure of it more than I know I’m English. Alas, my daily trade is to deal in weapons ; Not to court fair ladies, but to arrest felons. I’m not gifted with words, I don’t ken how to woo, But I do know my heart, and it says I love you. The choice is yours, Irina. 99

IRINA What’s to say, Henry? (She pauses dramatically) I thought you’d never ask! Now I’m truly happy. I tried to sway my hopes, given our history… You did win me over years ago already. ‘Tis on our third meeting you piqued my interest. Following which, I made request after request, So that, all over Europe, our paths would soon cross. I wanted to make a move, that time in Patmos… I thought about what protest, what threat, what promise It would necessitate for your heart to notice. I was fast losing hope that you might get your cue. You were blind. I thought it would never dawn on you. I’m ashamed to say my duty and feelings mixed. I had to act. One of the two had to be nixed. My dear… HENRY So you did try to assassinate me! IRINA Henry, if I had wanted you dead, you would be! I was merely trying to get your attention. I got carried away…I blame it on passion. Henry, let us put that behind us, finally. If we weren’t engrossed in our vital duty, All our missions, orders, unceasing commitments, We could be playing the role of merry parents. Heraklion it is! HENRY I now feel elated. The anxiousness within finally abated. I was afraid of how you might react. IRINA How quaint! You’re adorable when you show such self-restraint. Though we’ve known each other many years – HENRY And counting! IRINA I have never seen you like that. ‘Tis endearing. You’re a good man, Henry, you needn’t feel bashful. Or ashamed. HENRY I don’t, now, and it is wonderful. 100

IRINA Now that it is established, let’s get back to Crete. I have scores of questions, fear to be indiscreet. What will we do there? What plans have you got in mind? You must have imagined… HENRY Mostly we will unwind. No more stress or deadly assignments, no more traps. We can go swimming. IRINA Partying. HENRY Strolling. IRINA Take naps. HENRY We can grow grapes. IRINA Red. White. HENRY Reap them. IRINA Eat them. HENRY Make wine. There are amazing landscapes, their food is divine. IRINA Will we kiss? HENRY I will smother you in caresses. We shall talk about love like gods and goddesses, We shall think about love as we would in Heaven, We shall dream about love like a lad and maiden. If it pleases you… IRINA And how shall we make love? HENRY

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(Tentatively) Like…commoners? IRINA Better still : all of the above! Henry MacHale, I must say, you have me convinced… A woman fancies a man whose words are not minced. I am ready for a life lived with abandon. HENRY You wondered, you mused, how death would be brought upon, You have your answer : little by little. IRINA (She mulls it over a few seconds) Clever… The little death – La petite mort. Is there better? HENRY I love you and am glad you relish the prospect. But…right now… IRINA It will need be delayed, I expect. HENRY Yes, love. If your mission is over, mine is not. I have to kill some deceivers and end a plot. Meanwhile, pray place yourself under the protection Of Maria Carolina. IRINA Any action In particular you would have me take? HENRY Stay hid. Trust no one except her. Please do nothing stupid. IRINA Why, Henry, I thought you knew me better than that! HENRY I do, hence my admonition. IRINA I’m cloistered? Drat! I imagine there’s worse than live in a castle, Wear fancy dresses, give orders with a whistle, Eat rare foods, enjoy rare drinks… HENRY 102

‘Tis temporary. IRINA I know, dear. Only, a woman can dream, can’t she? Meanwhile, do your best to return in one piece. Crete won’t be as much fun – I say without malice – If I have to live there by myself. HENRY Not a chance! I’ll make sure I’m the one, my dear, to bring you thence.

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Act V Scene 1 (A room in Prague Castle. Enter Swashbuckler, Maria Carolina) MARIA CAROLINA You see, Armand? You never fail to deliver. The idea of your failure…It makes me shiver. I thank you, from the bottom of my – of our hearts. SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis a great pleasure to serve Justice. When it thwarts Evil, as it is wont, I feel my job is done. MARIA CAROLINA You earned your rest, the gratitude of everyone. Armand, let us leave official matters behind. SWASHBUCKLER Anything for you, Maria. MARIA CAROLINA You are too kind. I wanted you to tell me more about yourself. SWASHBUCKLER I fear all I have to say fits on a bookshelf, For books are all I know. There are also battles, But they surely would not give your Highness chortles. They do not make good conversation. MARIA CAROLINA You downplay Your talents, your culture – SWASHBUCKLER But you come off as fey, While I am…dull. MARIA CAROLINA How about your outspokenness? SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis naught. MARIA CAROLINA Nonsense! And your glibness? Loquaciousness? You feel more at ease around me than many friends. That means something, Armand, don’t you think? SWASHBUCKLER 104

It depends… MARIA CAROLINA On what? SWASHBUCKLER On the reasons I have to be at ease. MARIA CAROLINA What are those reasons then? SWASHBUCKLER Maria, if you please, I would rather not say. MARIA CAROLINA I will respect your stance. But, needs must, you do have to fill my ignorance : What happened since Paris? How have you been holding? How is your regiment? Who have you been loving? SWASHBUCKLER Pardon? MARIA CAROLINA Your life reads like an adventure novel, Do not shy from details on personal level. SWASHBUCKLER The chevaux-légers are fine, so are my siblings, (Maria Carolina is distracted by some noise, he whispers) My days are dull without you, so are my evenings. MARIA CAROLINA I am curious…Have you not found someone yet? Une femme… SWASHBUCKLER (Curtly, visibly annoyed) Has Your Ladyship not been betrothed yet? MARIA CAROLINA Did I say something wrong? Did I hurt your feelings? SWASHBUCKLER You are prying. MARIA CAROLINA I am sorry but your harshness stings. I thought we were friends, Armand, what did I do wrong? SWASHBUCKLER 105

Ours is not the kind of story ends with a song. MARIA CAROLINA I don’t – SWASHBUCKLER Or ‘tis one that befits a swan, maybe. Allow me to be blunt, to speak with honesty. There’s a wall between us, even…a mountain range. Not a thousand more epic feats could make that change. MARIA CAROLINA Wait…What are you saying? SWASHBUCKLER I’m sure you understand. I am not one either to do things underhand. I do not wish false hopes, one more douleur exquise, I’m a soldier, barely noble…you’re a marquise. Or a Duchess, or more. MARIA CAROLINA A title is not all. SWASHBUCKLER Thank you, but we both know this was rhetorical. MARIA CAROLINA It is true. SWASHBUCKLER It is not reality that you paint, Only a gentle frieze. MARIA CAROLINA My feelings are not feint. SWASHBUCKLER There is one thing worse than not having what you want, It is to have half of it. Please, pardon my rant, But this is how I feel. MARIA CAROLINA What if there’s no barrier? What if it’s in your head, has a name, it is…fear? Your exploits warrant your stock. Now, if I just talk – SWASHBUCKLER Pray, don’t. I’m afraid of the answer. Let me walk, Walk away from all of this, this dream, illusion… I will never give in to that stark delusion. We are too… 106

MARIA CAROLINA What? SWASHBUCKLER Bakotxak bere bidea. MARIA CAROLINA What does it mean, Armand? SWASHBUCKLER If means, dear Maria, That we’re all here to do what we’re all here to do. It does apply to me, to your Mother, to you… We have naught in common. Stars belong in the sky, Not in a shabby house, even less in a sty. You know it is true. MARIA CAROLINA Stars need shadows to stand out. You should not be like that, lacking faith, filled with doubt. SWASHBUCKLER I belong in the streets, and you in a palace. I remember that time when you lived in Paris, How I longed for the moments in which you appeared, How each time you went out I dreaded and I feared. I wanted to shield you from the horrid mundane, Wanted to shelter you from the uncouth profane. I took the liberty to get all those who leered, I beat up passers-by who whistled or who jeered. I was in the shadows, sanitizing your path, Which was what I needed to unravel my wrath. Many people gazed, stared, gawked, who were unworthy, I took upon myself to save your chastity. I learnt to distinguish between all your outfits ; I know which are loose, I know which one befits You most. I can tell the difference when you care – And when you don’t too – about your choice of nightwear. I know which robes you don when you feel excited, Which dresses you put on when you’re dispirited. I can describe by heart which colors suit you best, Or how widely you smile after you make a jest. I know the beauty spots that you have on your cheeks. You devour strawberries, you are repelled by leeks. You get mildly annoyed when you are offered tea : You are partial to blacker and stronger coffee. Yet I never forgot my role of protector. MARIA CAROLINA

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Then you know a lot more than many a suitor, All those royals who think they’re entitled to me, Because they bear a title of nobility. SWASHBUCKLER I have flaws, you, foibles, I strut while you sashay, You have a race, a pedigree, while I’m a stray. Watching your ebullience is like drinking a cup Filled with the laughter of children. I can’t keep up… Sun rays have nothing on you, me, they render blind. I carry not Cupid’s odd bow, barely his mind. I am a good soldier, but otherwise clumsy, I have naught to offer of which you are worthy. MARIA CAROLINA See? That is why, Armand, I need a man like you, Someone who every day looks upon me anew. Someone who notices the tiniest details, Who knows all the problems my position entails : The court, the appearances, or the etiquette, The curtsies, the obligations, or the corset. SWASHBUCKLER Yet you need a title to bear all that with you. Your Mother would say so. MARIA CAROLINA My mother has no clue! (Hastily) Please, don’t tell her I said that! SWASHBUCKLER Your secret is safe. If I slip, may God strike me, turn me in a waif. MARIA CAROLINA Thank you. I will now resume what I was saying. My dear sister, Marie-Antoinette, her wedding Will take place in a few weeks, as you are aware. SWASHBUCKLER I am. MARIA CAROLINA That’s it. Political alliances Are no longer needed. Only dalliances Will become my concern. My mother has secured, Enough unions. Those that exist must be nurtured. I no longer serve an ulterior purpose, I am to roam free and chance on my platypus

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(‘Tis the term for a man exotic and unique Who has sundry qualities, is a romantic). SWASHBUCKLER Nothing would make a happier man out of me. This unexpected turn of event, unlikely… I don’t – (Enter John) JOHN Your Ladyship, your Mother sent for you. MARIA CAROLINA Thank you, Mister Morgan. (To Swashbuckler) Our exchange is long due, Armand, but I fear we will have to reconvene. Meanwhile, please enjoy yourself. SWASHBUCKLER I will stay serene, Your Ladyship. (Exit Maria Carolina) Scene 2 JOHN I was meaning to talk to you, Swashbuckler. SWASHBUCKLER Here I am. ‘Tis about the rescue? JOHN Most definitely. Where do you have the papers? SWASHBUCKLER Right here with me, why? JOHN Perfect, that makes things simple. (He draws his sword and threatens Swashbuckler with it) Hand them over! SWASHBUCKLER You?! The traitor?! Of all people… JOHN Me. SWASHBUCKLER 109

‘Tis all clear now. I thought you a laggard, What with you always late ; I thought you a coward, What with you shirking fights. It turns out I was off, Way off. It seems I haven’t sold you short enough. Oh, I see now…Clever…We made your job easy. You had them all along, we ensured your safety! We were escorting you to Prague with haste, Good, good… JOHN I see your mind is not a complete waste. SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis why we found nothing in Strasbourg or Stuttgart… There was no messenger. JOHN You’re easy to outsmart. SWASHBUCKLER Your blunder was to think we wouldn’t find your lair. JOHN I underestimated Patrick and his flair. No matter, ‘twill all be fixed. SWASHBUCKLER Very good acting… I missed the obvious clues, I was unsuspecting. JOHN You were always too trusting. A stupid mistake. Now, the papers. I have little time. SWASHBUCKLER Will that slake Your thirst for power? (He draws his sword and fights back) JOHN Mine, my friends’…It will indeed. But it is not just power. It is wrath and greed, The establishment of our superiority, Our genius. (Enter two guards. They fight Swashbuckler while John stands back a little) SWASHBUCKLER Don’t you rather mean your vanity? JOHN Soon, many royalties will be gathered in here. They have the same vile flaws underneath a veneer. 110

Your allegiance, Armand, is no better than mine, Only…different. SWASHBUCKLER I don’t try to undermine The well-being of the entire population. (Enter two more guards. While Swashbuckler is distracted, one of his opponents pierces his shoulder) Fie, scum! JOHN Only because you have no ambition. The French and the English will be clearly exposed For what they are : wretches! Your kings will be deposed. (Enter Henry) The security has clearly been overlooked… Anyone can enter in here! HENRY (He fights two of the guards) Whale. Oil. Beef. Hooked! JOHN You are a poet whose art should be commended. SWASHBUCKLER Henry, ‘tis high time for wrongs to be amended HENRY I live you five minutes to get myself a drink, You jump at the chance to unmask the missing link! SWASHBUCKLER You know me, I can’t go a day without a fight. JOHN One you will lose. HENRY This is a scuffle, not a plight. SWASHBUCKLER John? Your Butler, was he intent on betraying His beloved country? JOHN Did he hurt your feeling? HENRY Answer him, fiend! JOHN 111

He was merely drowning in debt. To be settled, a condition had to be met. We asked a small favor, he complied out of fear. He was too proud, too vain, keen on staying a peer. SWASHBUCKLER (The second guard stabs Swashbuckler’s leg. He manages to knock out one of the two and kicks the other after slashing his face. He turns to John) Knave! (He disarms John and hurls him towards the door. Enter Maria Carolina) MARIA CAROLINA Armand, I forgot – (John pulls a dagger up from his sleeve and grabs Maria Carolina. He stands behind her, approaching his blade from her neck) SWASHBUCKLER Felon! Coward! MARIA CAROLINA What is – JOHN Now you know what to do if you want to appease The whole situation. SWASHBUCKLER Even you…you wouldn’t! JOHN I wouldn’t fail, surely no. MARIA CAROLINA Armand, you needn’t – JOHN Silence! Let us finish! SWASHBUCKLER Maria do not move! Do not try anything your heart would disapprove. (He gets the papers out of his coat, throws them to John) I hope they are worth it, now you can release her. JOHN With pleasure! (He pushes Maria towards Swashbuckler, grabs the document, shovels them in his coat and runs to the door) SWASHBUCKLER Coward! Just wait… (He collapses on the floor) 112

MARIA CAROLINA You need a doctor! HENRY Worry not, Swashbuckler. In a minute I’ll root Him out of this seat. I will soon be in pursuit. (He manages to wound one of the guards, the second runs away) This is far from an ideal place to makes arrests, The castle has many rooms and many more guests. (Exit Henry) MARIA CAROLINA Armand, please. You cannot possibly pursue him. Be reasonable. SWASHBUCKLER I cannot be a victim, Not just yet. Tell Colin the traitor has just left. MARIA CAROLINA We’re not yet together, I’m already bereft! (She helps him to get up. Exeunt Swashbuckler, Maria Carolina) Scene 3 (Charles Bridge. Enter Moineau, Tew, who is drunk, Avery) MOINEAU I own no magic formula, only me head. Indeed there was a curse, for the two thieves be dead. It is a real setback, it is unfortunate, But I will not yield, give up or succumb to fate. The restoration of our dream community – Rebuilding utopia – ‘tis my destiny. My plans will be postponed until further notice. There must be something…El Dorado? Atlantis? I have to ponder quickly an alternative, That would make our failure ever so relative. AVERY He really had too much of that rum. He’s rambling… On and on…female dogs be naught but…gardening… tools…and cereals? Don’t look at me, I don’t know! I don’t envy where he’s gone, looks full of…sorrow. TEW …And the second nutter shouts to the first nutter : ‘Pray hang on to that brush, I remove the ladder.’ MOINEAU (To Avery) 113

Let him be. He’ll feel better when we be on a ship. Maudlin be most easily cured…by oarsmanship. (Enter John. He passes by the three pirates who are idle, on the bridge. He opens the letters and sees they are the wrong ones) JOHN Fie! The villain! The filthy scoundrel! I will kick – In my eagerness and rush I fell for his trick. I recovered the wrong one, I look like a fool! I am going back there repay in kind that mule. (He throws them to the ground in anger. Exit John. Moineau approaches the spot where Dee’s papers were discarded, he picks them up) MOINEAU Shiver me timbers! Be this…Fata Morgana? Am I holding the answer to Libertalia? Me eyes do not deceive me – it’d be regretful – Those are John Dee’s papers! Good tidings, delightful! Dear scallywags… AVERY We be back to being bad eggs? MOINEAU Nay, we be not. A society which has no dregs, ‘Tis what we are going to imagine and build. We’ll have trades, each one entitled to its own guild. We’ll have women, some of them be promiscuous, Other will be wives and bear children. TEW Congruous… MOINEAU We will heed or acknowledge no authority Other than ours. Our motto? “Freedom, Liberty…” TEW & AVERY “Everything in between!” MOINEAU If they try to stop us, We will conjure John Dee, summon hocus-pocus, Threaten their empires plagued with their feet of clay. We will mint many coins they won’t fail to assay ; They will be genuine, which will destabilize Their monetary system. AVERY It would compromise – MOINEAU 114

We will buy their soldiers, their corsairs, their traders. They will find us to be the mighty gatekeepers. Any of their attempts made to retaliate Will fail miserably. They will capitulate. TEW It’s beautiful… AVERY Damn right, it is! TEW It is foolproof. AVERY For the good of the community, its behoof, We’ll bring this plan to fruition. MOINEAU Within our reach, That’s what’s important, gents! TEW Quick, let us find a beach! (Exeunt Moineau, Tew, Avery) Scene 4 (Back in the castle. John, walking decidedly, hoping to stumble upon his opponents) JOHN This chevau-léger will pay for his trickery. He cannot defeat us with such impunity. (Enter Patrick) PATRICK The truth has been revealed, you are a damn traitor! You must die! (They fight) JOHN He was called John the Revelator For a reason. I have one myself you would not Grasp, Patrick. PATRICK You deserve no prison where to rot. JOHN You should know I have rich and powerful allies, We could find an accord. 115

PATRICK I will not trust your lies. (They throw themselves at each other and are both wounded. Enter Swashbuckler. John turns to him) You think yourself clever, handing me the wrong draft? SWASHBUCKLER (Swashbuckler is surprised to see him and puzzled by the fact that he didn’t give away the treaty as he thought. He plays along) I thought you wouldn’t notice – because you are daft! Patrick, lad, I’ll cover you. Go get help. PATRICK I will. (Exit Patrick) SWASHBUCKLER Now, where were we? Ah, yes. Trampling a huge dunghill! JOHN That was my last mistake. SWASHBUCKLER On account of your death, It surely is. (They fight) JOHN Swashbuckler, do not hold your breath. SWASHBUCKLER You won’t go very far whirling like a dervish. JOHN You’re getting cocky. SWASHBUCKLER Just eager to finish. I was wondering, how ever were you planning On unveiling the draft? Would they be listening? You are, after all, John, merely a colonial. JOHN My credibility is far from adverbial, ‘Tis true. But my friends’ is not : they are connected. I have mighty allies ; interests are vested In our little mission. It is not about me, It is about power, it is about money. We are politicians, officials or premiers, We are directors, diplomats or financiers. You won’t stop all of us, it is impossible. 116

We are too committed, indefatigable. (Enter Joseph II) Ah, he is arrived, my liege, teacher and mentor. JOSEPH II I thought you were to take care of him. SWASHBUCKLER You, traitor! (He links together several moves and stabs John) Here is for you, knave! JOHN Help me, Lord, I am dying. (John falls to the floor and dies. Joseph II meanwhile sneaks close to Swashbuckler and stabs him in the wound he already had. The latter drops his sword) JOSEPH II And here is for you! SWASHBUCKLER No honor among princeling. JOSEPH II I have a plan, you interfere, ‘tis good reason To act as I did. SWASHBUCKLER So you’re the voice of treason, The one who will expose the treaty. JOSEPH II Certainly. Now I just need to find where it is, so tell me! SWASHBUCKLER It is out of you reach, on its way back to France. JOSEPH II Lying cur! SWASHBUCKLER I know how it may look, at first glance – (Joseph II strikes him) JOSEPH II How about I torture, slowly, every single One of your friends? I can use that sword to tingle – (Enter Colin) COLIN

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Swash! (He jumps to intervene) I found you at last. JOSEPH II Not for long I’m afraid. COLIN You wait until I can – JOSEPH II I hate being waylaid. COLIN (To Swashbuckler) I will take it from here, you have lost too much blood. SWASHBUCKLER I should…I can…You’re right. (Exit Swashbuckler) COLIN (To Joseph II) I will drown you in mud! After piercing your every limb. JOSEPH II How inventive! Tell me where the document is and you will live. COLIN Why don’t you perform long suctions on my manhood? JOSEPH II You know, under normal circumstances, I would. (Colin looks disgusted) But there’s this thing I hate about commoners : They have no imagination and lack manners. Your vulgarity is sign of our decadence, Your coarseness reminds us of the sad prevalence Of wretches like you in the world. It’s God’s error, But we will correct it. COLIN You’re not superior, Only more – twisted. (They fight on and off) JOSEPH II I am a Lord, an aesthete. You are cute and brawny, but not quite an athlete. You wot not what’s it like to see the world ablaze 118

Because of some dunces mere trinkets do amaze. The world I envision knows no war, nor famine, It’s full of love, beauty, and all things feminine. Your mind is too petty, it cannot see far off, That mankind would be saved – COLIN If you were King thereof? JOSEPH II Me, my friends, peu importe. At least we know better Than the plebe what it takes to settle the matter. If you rascal had read, Plato, his Republic, You would know political regimes are cyclic. The wisest of them all is aristocracy, It is followed by four, ending in tyranny, Merely a transition I will gladly assume. COLIN You’ll do it for the good of mankind, I presume? Thank you! JOSEPH II The masses are to be lead by the few. ‘Tis a responsibility I’ll not eschew. A civilization can collapse most simply, You need even no war, just widespread apathy. It is fascinating…Such a power we wield In our ability to create and to build. In no time we bring a society in full bloom. Yet just as easily we create our own doom. We destroy, we corrupt, we leave the world to blight, We give in to money, power, weaknesses, fright. Just as mighty, immortal Rome turned decadent, The same excesses here may become prevalent. For the world to improve, there is a principle : The fewer the better. For this we’ll have to cull A number of people, trim the population – ‘Tis easier to manage, see? (Enter a guard who fights with Colin) COLIN Not an option! JOSEPH II For many years the plan has been in the making. You and your friends are brave, but already losing. We are well organized, you only have two arms, A brain that is misused, not enough of those charms. Even you will admit the result is grandiose, In time. 119

COLIN Never. Your little speech is otiose. I fear neither yourself, your friends, even your reach. I fight for God and truth, ‘tis not a pointless preach Will tarnish my resolve. JOSEPH II You should concede defeat, Fool. In no time will our victory be complete. It will be an apex, an apotheosis, The epitome of human symbiosis. (He muses) How I wish we were there. (Turns to Colin, determined) ‘Tis inescapable. It is certain as death, sure, unavoidable. Monarchies will need fall, leaving the place vacant, For democracy, this most useless government. As it is wont to do, corruption will be rife, Paving the way for me to act as a midwife. My deeds will bring to life perfection embodied, A world with no desires, an ideal world indeed. COLIN ‘Tis royalties start war you knave! JOSEPH II Who does uphold Their decisions I ask? Is it by stranglehold That you commit to them? If you’re a patriot Then defend your people and not the idiot Who sends them out to die. You are treated like pawns. You have what you deserve, you mindless stack of brawns, If you do not react, and let yourselves be dragged Into conflicts and war. No one maintains you gagged, Speak your mind and revolt against your oppressors. COLIN What, warmonger? Are you among our defensors? JOSEPH II Only when monarchies have fallen can my plan Be set in motion. COLIN You won’t see it. JOSEPH II It may span Over a few decades, but surely ‘twill happen. We have to wait for rotten regimes to ripen. 120

Surely, nowadays, everyone is a Lumière ; They all read Diderot, Kant, Rousseau, or Voltaire, Frederick, Catherine, Gustav or my mother. They try to fool themselves. In fact they are neither Monarchs, saviors, gods, much less enlightened despots. They are a bunch of thieves, liars, fools, and harlots. They will make you believe that what they do is good, Until the people will revolt as well they should. They don’t go far enough for the reign of reason, They should be hanged like you for their blatant treason Of the ideals that we, my friends and I, will soon Establish in Europe, then the world. COLIN What a boon! JOSEPH II I see your mind at work, it’s clearly too obtuse to understand my point. I would like to enthuse You and your fellow men to our most noble cause, First you would have to think, so I will stop and pause. COLIN You are insane is clear from your soliloquy. The only cure for that is one good obloquy, Or being flogged in public with stinging nettles, So you would learn to stop fighting losing battles. I have not read Plato but I know history, It teaches great lessons, just like philosophy. Pay heed, rascal, it will serve as a reminder. ‘Tis how it starts : ‘If I were not Alexander, I would be Diogenes.’ What a confession! The Macedonian failed at his inception. Diogenes the Dog taught a lesson profound To the Emperor, not the other way around. He possessed nothing and was happy nonetheless. Alexander had an empire, was restless. You make the same mistake out of sheer arrogance. You will die disappointed, sad, in repentance. Lucky good men like me will be there to stop you. JOSEPH II Fool, do you think you’ll win?! What’s a swordsman to do ‘Gainst a conspiracy? How can you fight something Does not even exist? COLIN I’m old-fashioned, killing Seems like an option. After all, you are flesh and bone. JOSEPH II 121

Killing Joseph II, an heir to the throne? You wouldn’t go far, soldier. COLIN I’ll take my chances. (He wounds the guard who drops his sword and leaves the room) JOSEPH II What you really need to take are your distances. I don’t need to sully my hands, and you should run, Now! COLIN Emperor…? Stand a little out of my sun! You are out of your mind, pitiful demagogue, I am out of patience, let’s draw the epilogue. Let your title be known, Joseph the Bellicose! JOSEPH II You puny little rogue…What? Colin the Verbose? You are a knave, a thrall and deserve to be lead, Unless you start thinking, and this time with your head. You might muse that you ran rings around us this time, Maybe you have, but we are relentless. COLIN A dime Is what you are worth. I will expose you. JOSEPH II Varlet! Fool! COLIN Fools are often closest to the king, cosset! JOSEPH II Your only eyewitness will be dead in a day, Or an hour even. COLIN Unless good Armand does lay – JOSEPH II You do not understand : the wretch will have to die. COLIN You would kill your own man, your loyal servant? Fie! JOSEPH II Loyalty matters not, we don’t suffer failure. We need remain hid and won’t allow his capture. 122

(Pauses a second, looking pensive) He was your enemy, don’t you find ironic Both of you will die from the same hand? COLIN (Despondent) ‘Tis tragic. JOSEPH II I could have you murdered merely for being here. Methinks…I’ll do just that. COLIN It is your end that’s near. JOSEPH II (Shouts) Guard! (To Colin) We have many guests, try to die quietly, Not to shed all your blood over the tapestry. (Exit Joseph II. Enter three guards. They start fighting) COLIN When will I stop being underestimated? There are only three of you. To be defeated, You would need be twice as many. Scene 5 (Enter Robin) ROBIN Colin, at last! (One of the guards turns to face Robin) COLIN Worry not, lad, should be easy. We are steadfast And trained better than they are. ROBIN Yes, that is exact, But bragging makes you sloppy. Please remain intact, For the love of me. COLIN For the love of you, I would… ROBIN Yes…? COLIN 123

I could… ROBIN Yes…? COLIN I should… ROBIN Yes…? COLIN (With a tentative smile) Er…Smoke sandalwood…? ROBIN What?! COLIN I’m sorry, I am distracted and confused. Let us get rid of the help first. (He thrusts his sword forward rapidly, surprising one of his two opponents. The guard drops his sword and scarpers) ROBIN I am bemused, Why can’t you be serious? Ever?! COLIN It’s a gift, On my mother’s side I was told. ROBIN Be a spendthrift, Impart it on others. COLIN If you won’t regret it… ROBIN I would feel much obliged and would give you credit. I would be indebted, generous and thankful, I would. COLIN ‘Tis not much for which to be so grateful. Are you sure you are well and that you don’t suffer? ROBIN I will take anything else you have to offer. (There is a pause in their respective fights, they look at each other intensely)

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COLIN I would wed thee if such a thing was not amiss! ROBIN / ETHELFLEDA I love you too – (She removes her hat and lets her long hair flow down over her shoulders) – and will hold you to your promise! COLIN You! ETHELFLEDA Me… COLIN How could…? How did…? ETHELFLEDA I will tell you later. (She is maimed by her opponent and drops her sword) COLIN Robin!! (He slashes his opponent’s arm and run towards Ethelfleda) Away knave! Pray she is not dead! (He disarms the second guard who runs away) ETHELFLEDA Never… Scene 6 (Later in the same room. Ethelfleda is lying on a sofa) COLIN You are awake? ETHELFLEDA Yes. COLIN Good. I hope you feel well soon. I bear news galore, good ones, since this afternoon. First, you will not suffer any lasting damage. Fortunately, the guard’s sword slipped on your ribcage. We still have the treaty – we found it in your coat. Luckily before that traitor, John, that cutthroat. For he was their man and accomplice all along. We won’t get much higher than that betrayer, though. When it comes to power, it is the status quo. I won’t disclosed the main plotter’s identity. 125

His name is safe, we are sworn to secrecy. Their machinations will remain in the shadows, While we, as Swash foresaw, remain unsung heroes. What else? Henry is besotted with Irina, And Swashbuckler with Maria Carolina. ETHELFLEDA I am glad you are here. I wanted in my dream To wake up next to you. (Colin is barely looking at her and visibly frustrated) What is it? What does seem – I do not like your face. Is one of our friends dead? I beseech thee, dear, speak to me. (Colin stays at a distance) Come near my bed. COLIN What is your name, Madame? ETHELFLEDA Why…? What…? (Colin is impassive, Ethelfleda, resigned) Ethelfleda. COLIN What does it mean? ‘Janus’? ‘She’s out your reach, Sirrah’? ‘You are too small to meet her desiderata’? ETHELFLEDA Why do you make me feel persona non grata? Why are you so hostile? COLIN As a last courtesy, Would you please answer me. ETHELFLEDA It means…‘Noble beauty.’ What is going on? Pray tell, what is it occurred? COLIN Nothing, really. We came, we saw, we conquered. ETHELFLEDA This is far from nothing : You did help save Europe You prevented a war and a costly break up. Feats for which you should be rewarded double. There is something awry. Why do I smell trouble? While you were rejoicing, not a moment ago, Now seems like this victory you wish to forego. Are you not glad your love is not unrequited? 126

Why do you appear so glum, morose, benighted? (Colin doesn’t say anything) Please stop being grouchy. COLIN I cannot, I am French. While you are a princess, no ordinary wench. ETHELFLEDA Have I lost the qualities you found endearing? Am I not a woman worthy of your liking? COLIN You are more beautiful, perfect, fair, bodacious, Than I durst imagine. That much, yes, is obvious. I am dubious, of course : you are too perfect. You are beyond what someone like me could expect. Yet, that is not all. They say you have a title. ETHELFLEDA It does not deserve to be mentioned, ‘tis little. COLIN (Ironic) I promise not to laugh too loud at you, Madame. ETHELFLEDA It is of no importance, really. (Colin still does not react, he is waiting) I…I am… Ethelfleda, Marchioness Grey, Colin. My arms – COLIN See? Your title is a wedge between us. It harms Me more than any words you could ever utter. ETHELFLEDA This is nonsense! Why would a mere title deter – COLIN I thought you were like me! ETHELFLEDA But I am! A soldier, A youth, a woman… COLIN But…you are no commoner. When you confessed your love, I felt true elation, I couldn’t wait to get out of this commotion, Only to discover my hopes were unfounded : You belong to the sky, while myself am grounded. 127

I will always be normal, never at the helm, While you surf with your kind the empyrean realm. ETHELFLEDA That is not true, Colin, I am human foremost. I can love a man, no matter his rank or post, Telling me otherwise considers an affront. COLIN You say that now that the battle is won. ETHELFLEDA I don’t. I would say it all day, to anyone who cares. I can write it down, have you send it to my pairs I do love you, Colin. I know it in my heart. And if you love me, as I hope, well that’s a start. The end too, since nothing else matters to my eyes. COLIN (Colin pauses a few seconds, visibly still not reassured) I thought you were like me. ETHELFLEDA My words are truths, not lies : I love you. COLIN I would too, but you’re a marchioness. Surely your king won’t agree. ETHELFLEDA ‘Tis not his business. But I’m sure that I can clear this subject with…George. COLIN So when you say your uncle… ETHELFLEDA Well, his name is George. George VI, King of England. COLIN And yet you wonder Why I need to affect this hostile demeanor. There is no love story that includes a noble And a soldier like me. It is impossible. It is not a chasm, it is not an abyss, ‘Tis a title twixt us, well enough to dismiss Any hope that I had. ETHELFLEDA 128

You’re making a mistake! I won’t let such a trifle cause us a heartache. COLIN Pray, do not bother. I don’t deal in delusions. I would sooner put an end to my effusions, Than pine for the unreachable, Your Majesty. ETHELFLEDA You are not thinking straight. You react too rashly. COLIN It is typical of my behavior, sorry. ETHELFLEDA Prithee stay, I need you. COLIN I thought you were like me. (Exit Colin) Scene 7 (The Ball has started. An antechamber before the ballroom. Enter Swashbuckler. Men and women in costume occasionally pass by) SWASHBUCKLER My king will be most pleased with what was accomplished. Peace has been maintained, honors have not been tarnished. If only the main culprit was caught – (Enter Joseph II) JOSEPH II I roam free, As it stands. ‘Tis your word against mine. SWASHBUCKLER Liberty Doest not suit you. A decade in prison, maybe… JOSEPH II It would be foolish for you to cry victory. We have been delayed, yes, certainly not thwarted. Plans are in motion, need to be implemented. We will make sure England and France will pay the price For their involvement. SWASHBUCKLER Do you have any advice? JOSEPH II

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Yes : brace yourselves! For soon England will pass a law ‘Twill cause its own demise. SWASHBUCKLER Your threats are but hollow. JOSEPH II Are they? Would you take your chances? ‘Twill be longer For France, but we will get her too. Hone your dagger. (Exit Joseph II, Enter Maria Carolina) SWASHBUCKLER Your mother surely knows how to throw a party. MARIA CAROLINA ‘Tis the price to pay for skillful diplomacy. For one I am glad I will not need do the same. You? SWASHBUCKLER My thoughts exactly. I cannot play that game. I feel comfortable down below. (Enter Maria Theresa. Swashbuckler bows down) Your highness. MARIA THERESA My daughter Maria abused of my fondness For her. It was against my will she went away. Paris has changed her. MARIA CAROLINA It is not fair, I daresay. It allowed me to be how I felt inwardly. MARIA THERESA You went there to have fun. MARIA CAROLINA I went there to be free. MARIA THERESA Either way, I did not relish it then. MARIA CAROLINA And now? MARIA THERESA I still do not relish it. MARIA CAROLINA Mother…

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MARIA THERESA I do vow, Though, to respect your decision and choice. MARIA CAROLINA Thank you, From the bottom of…our hearts. SWASHBUCKLER Your Highness, I, too – MARIA THERESA You should consider yourself lucky we know peace Across Europe – MARIA CAROLINA Thanks to him! MARIA THERESA Your analysis Is unnecessary, we all know what we owe. SWASHBUCKLER ‘Twas my duty, Your Highness. MARIA THERESA A fiasco It could have been. I am grateful that it wasn’t. I was saying, had we been at war – MARIA CAROLINA We aren’t. MARIA THERESA Other plans would have been made. When I say lucky… SWASHBUCKLER I understand, Your Highness. MARIA THERESA Good. Now, excuse me, I have a ball to host, privilege of my crown. Oh, Armand? SWASHBUCKLER Yes? MARIA THERESA If you hurt her I’ll hunt you down. (Exit Maria Theresa) MARIA CAROLINA 131

That went well. I told you she would accept my choice. SWASHBUCKLER I can’t imagine if she hadn’t. MARIA CAROLINA Let’s rejoice! (Enter Ethelfleda, evidently flustered) ETHELFLEDA Why are men so…so…? MARIA CAROLINA Stubborn? Infuriating? ETHELFLEDA All of that and much worse. SWASHBUCKLER I feel de trop staying… (He kisses Maria Carolina goodbye. Exit Swashbuckler) MARIA CAROLINA We are a complete mystery to each other, I find it comforting. ETHELFLEDA I find it a bother. MARIA CAROLINA If you knew everything, if all was so certain, Where would be the surprise? What would your love brighten? It would shine in places, lit plenty already. Like a beacon in the middle of a country. ETHELFLEDA It is still maddening. MARIA CAROLINA Thank God ‘tis the good kind. ETHELFLEDA Is there a difference? I feel out of my mind… MARIA CAROLINA Trust me. Besides, I find there is nothing in life, Especially between a husband and his wife, For which, if you don’t work, it feels gratifying. A smooth relationship is not worth pursuing. ETHELFLEDA God, I hope you are right Maria. 132

MARIA CAROLINA Believe me. (Enter Colin. Maria Carolina turns to Ethelfleda and whispers) That is my cue. Courage, ‘tis exhilarating. (Exit Maria Carolina) COLIN Your Ladyship, I came to bid you fond farewell. Now that we have won, there is nothing to compel Me to stay. Adieu then, I wish you all the best. ETHELFLEDA Colin? COLIN Yes? ETHELFLEDA You are annoying me in earnest. Please shut up a minute, let me do the talking. (Colin looks like he has been scolded – and rightly so) This week you helped protect your country and your king. You prevented a war, you defended England, You put your life at risk, not just for your homeland. More importantly, you helped preserve my honor. A hundred times over did you prove your valor. Never a commoner served as much as you did, Never a nobleman appeared so perfervid. If anyone deserves to be betrothed to me, Well…Your actions speak louder than nobility. You are my love, Colin, as much as I am yours. Am I wrong? Do you not think ‘tis time this ship moors? Of course you have the right to throw all this away, For I cannot stop you. You need keep me at bay? Please say it now so our freedom we can regain, Return home, and never see each other again. Is that what you want, is that what you aspire to? COLIN ‘Tis pointless to deny how I feel…I love you! I love you more than anything, Ethelfleda, And if you love me back…well, then, Hallelujah! I thought your rank an immovable obstacle. I’m jaded and do not believe a miracle – ETHELFLEDA I do, Colin! I need to believe they are real. I am an optimist. COLIN

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And I an imbecile! I must apologize for ever doubting you. ETHELFLEDA Do not berate yourself, what you say is untrue. (She pauses a few seconds) Worse things have happened, dear, than a noblewoman, Marrying a bold soldier, even a Frenchman. COLIN They have? ETHELFLEDA Well…I…There…None comes to mind as we speak… (She is beaming) COLIN You sassy minx! How could I live without your cheek?! ETHELFLEDA I can’t myself. COLIN I’ll never tire of your humor. ETHELFLEDA Pray you don’t! ‘Tis integral to my behavior. COLIN Wench! ETHELFLEDA It is Lady Wench for you, my love. COLIN I lose. You defeat me. ETHELFLEDA Except in love. ‘Tis why I choose To be with you. COLIN I swear, Ethel, to be loyal, Love you how you deserve though I am no royal. I will stand by you above all in times of need, I’ll be faithful, true, caring… ETHELFLEDA Always intrepid? COLIN 134

Your love is what I lacked to call myself a man. ETHELFLEDA Yours does improve my qualities as a woman. COLIN With you along, I will always land on my feet. I inherited more than the planet complete, I love you, Ethelfleda. Hooray for the meek! ETHELFLEDA You should never despair to obtain what you seek. Scene 8 (At the foot of Charles Bridge. Enter Swashbuckler, Maria Carolina) MARIA CAROLINA Thank you for your service, you saved my empire. SWASHBUCKLER I would battle demons or walk through hellfire, If you but smiled at me and whispered in my ear, ‘I mean something to you, I adore you my dear.’ MARIA CAROLINA (Whispers in his ear) You mean something to me, I adore you my dear. As long as you’re with me, I will not shed a tear. At least none of sorrow, rather of happiness. SWASHBUCKLER (He pauses a few seconds and looks a her intensely) No doubt you are a callipygean goddess. MARIA CAROLINA Oh! SWASHBUCKLER ‘Tis a compliment, Madame. MARIA CAROLINA So I gather. SWASHBUCKLER Please do not repeat what I said to your mother! I will atone, repent, and write encomia That will be remembered for ten millennia. MARIA CAROLINA I won’t, Armand. 135

SWASHBUCKLER Thank you. MARIA CAROLINA (She waits a second before replying, then smiles widely) I will do the scolding. SWASHBUCKLER I’m not sure which is worse. MARIA CAROLINA That will cost you a ring. SWASHBUCKLER A price I will gladly pay, love. MARIA CAROLINA I thought you would. Now that you are done with your mission. SWASHBUCKLER It is good. I am happy, my love, that we gave peace a chance. (He kisses her) MARIA CAROLINA Now you can proudly bring good tidings back to France. SWASHBUCKLER When will you join me there? When are you due, my soul? (He kisses her again) MARIA CAROLINA In three weeks at long last, again we will be whole. (He kisses her again) I see that you are taking many liberties. SWASHBUCKLER I wish not to dispense from all civilities, Only display my love for you. If it offends – MARIA CAROLINA That is what we have to establish. It depends… SWASHBUCKLER On what, My Lady? MARIA CAROLINA Those liberties you take… SWASHBUCKLER

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Yes? MARIA CAROLINA Are you willing to take some more? SWASHBUCKLER For your Highness? Infinitely! Every day, your love I will sate. MARIA CAROLINA Also, will I be allowed to reciprocate? SWASHBUCKLER I will be your servant : your wish is my command. MARIA CAROLINA Then you are safe from me and any reprimand. (She kisses him) Now you will excuse me, I must be gone a spell, And look for Irina. SWASHBUCKLER Don’t be too long, ma belle. (Exit Maria Carolina. Enter Colin and Ethelfleda, laughing and whispering in each other’s ears) SWASHBUCKLER I see you two reconciled. COLIN We have no issue. ETHELFLEDA (She looks at him, seriously, arms akimbo) What if I want one? COLIN Why would you want an issue With me? ETHELFLEDA What if I want several? COLIN Swash, help me. SWASHBUCKLER Why? COLIN My dearest has stopped making sense, suddenly.

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SWASHBUCKLER This time she is the one to explain it to you. (Exit Swashbuckler) COLIN I am not here to understand, only to woo. ETHELFLEDA That shouldn’t be too hard, I’ve already been wooed. COLIN Then I’ll woo you some more. You should be loved and cooed, Until your parting breath, this would do you justice. You deserve an idyll, a fair oaristys. ETHELFLEDA And you suppose yourself the best of candidate? COLIN I do, My Lady, for I am no reprobate. Our words, our actions will be seen as an emblem Of our undying love. (He looks serious all of a sudden) There might be a problem… (He pauses dramatically) ETHELFLEDA (Anxious) You cannot die, Colin, for I made many plans, Not the least of which is that you should learn to dance. We have to be married, I’ll bear scores of children. Only when I am old may you rejoin Heaven. COLIN (He waits some more. Ethelfleda waits anxiously for him to go on) I went for some advice to see Aquarius… ETHELFLEDA What did you want with him, that silly odd magus? COLIN I am smitten I fear…Acute basorexia. ETHELFLEDA Not again! COLIN ‘Tis a compulsion, a mania. To kiss repeatedly… (He kisses her on the neck)

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Consistently… (He kisses her on the cheek) Always… (He kisses her on the lips) The object of your love, the object of your daze. It gets even worse when that object is so pure. (He kisses her again) ETHELFLEDA I suffer from it too! I hope there is no cure. (She kisses him. Enter Swashbuckler, Henry, Patrick) PATRICK Say, how did you get by your nickname, ‘Swashbuckler’? HENRY Before answering he might want to wait for her. PATRICK ‘Tis true, as Colin said, that in your native tongue, It translates as ‘the well-endowed?’ ETHELFLEDA Colin? COLIN ‘Tis wrong! I said : ‘The well-endeavored!’ It is the accent… ETHELFLEDA When it suits you… PATRICK Yours is not worth a dime, or cent. I should have known better. COLIN …Maybe listened harder… HENRY You will find that in the name is hid a spoiler. SWASHBUCKLER That is true enough, and I will gladly recount The whole story – COLIN Again?! But this is tantamount – (Enter Maria Carolina, Irina) MARIA CAROLINA I see you are jesting, having fun without us? 139

IRINA What is, may we ask, the object of this ruckus? HENRY Our old friend Armand, here, was eager to explain The genesis of his nickname. SWASHBUCKLER I would be fain To proceed, but ‘tis complicated. COLIN That’s certain! IRINA Will he do so before the fall of the curtain? SWASHBUCKLER Have you got something planned in the coming future? (They all nod ‘no’) It is a thrilling tale, a wondrous adventure. MARIA CAROLINA Better than your latest? SWASHBUCKLER It could not well compare. Nothing would ever match such happy ending rare, Though my story recounts of courage, war and love – MARIA CAROLINA I do not like its start…Not the third one above. SWASHBUCKLER I was sent to Venice to help a woman wronged, Cheated, and later cast out from where she belonged. She was rich, powerful, had a sense of humor – MARIA CAROLINA (Mildly annoyed) I am not sure I like how you speak with fervor. SWASHBUCKLER She was seventy-two, and an aunt twice-removed. MARIA CAROLINA (Reassured) Pray proceed, dear. SWASHBUCKLER As I was saying, it behooved – 140

MARIA CAROLINA What is it? SWASHBUCKLER I feel like we are being followed. MARIA CAROLINA Nonsense! SWASHBUCKLER I was saying…The scandal foreshadowed Of much worse things to come. I had to act quickly. I was to swoop in, drop the curtain stylishly…

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VOCABULARY Amoureuse : French. Lover, girlfriend. Amphitryon : French. Host. Apodyopsis : The act of mentally undressing someone. Aroint : Begone! Asphodel : A type of lily. In poetic fashion, an immortal flower striving in the Elysian Fields. Athanor : An alchemist’s furnace. Bakotxak bere bidea : Basque. ‘To each is own path.’ –tx is pronounced like the English –ch, the ‘e’ like ‘é’ (Ba-ko-txak be-re bi-de-a, 8 syllables) Barrière de Reuilly : One of the many points of entry to the city of Paris. Bedlam : Mental institution in London. Behoof : Advantage, benefit. Belle : French. Beautiful, applied to a word of the female gender, ‘woman’ here. Bellicose : Prone to war, eager to fight. Brand : Sword. Brocade : Decorated silk, often with gold and silver threads. Bugloss : Herb used as a heart stimulant. Callipygean : Having well-shaped buttocks. Callow : Inexperienced and immature. Casus belli : Latin. Cause for war. C’est grave, docteur? : French. Literally, ‘Is it serious, Doctor?’ Chevau-léger : Member of the light cavalry. The –er or –ers (plural) endings are pronounced like the –é of blasé, –au like –o, and the –g like that of ‘liege’ not ‘siege’. (For the French speakers : the singular chevauléger is already outdated, so for the plural I chose chevaux-légers as recommended by some instead of the usual chevau-légers, or worse, chevaus-légers.) Choiseul : Etienne François Duke of Choiseul remained Prime Minister until December 24, 1770, a few months after the events described. Conciergerie : Place in Paris where criminals were brought in for questioning (torture). Cor : Expression of surprise, admiration, alarm. Coruscating : Sparkling or brilliant. Cosset : Spoilt child. Cour des miracles : French expression designating areas in cities (Paris itself counted a dozen of them) where migrants, unemployed, wretches and all sorts of misfits, outcasts and the like gathered (pronounced in French it amounts to 4 syllables, 5 in English). Couth : Cultured, refined, well-mannered. Coyish : Shy, modest (from coy). Cracksman : Burglar. Damask : Patterned silk. Dee : John Dee (1527-1609). His cipher was 007, and the inspiration behind Ian Fleming’s eponymous super spy, not the other way round. Defensor : Defender, esp. in court ; also a protector. Denier : French. The –er ending is pronounced like the –é of blasé. Small coin. De trop : Unwanted, unwelcome (from French). 142

Douleur exquise : French. Pain one suffers due to an unreachable object of affection (literally, ‘exquisite pain’). Drôle d’oiseau : French. Literally, ‘Funny bird.’ Figuratively, ‘Oddball.’ Play on the fact that oiseau means bird and Moineau is a sparrow, a type of bird. Egad : To express surprise. Elver : A young eel. Emet / Met : Hebrew. Truth / Death. Words written on a golem to animate / kill him. Empyrean realm : Heaven. Encomium (pl. encomia) : A discourse or letter that praises highly. Ere : Before. Exeunt : Latin. They exit. Faire-valoir : French. Foil (as in ‘To be someone’s foil’). Fata Morgana : Mirage (literally, ‘Morgan Le Fey’). Femme : French. Woman ; wife. Fie : Expression used to express outrage. Fille de joie : Prostitute. Flesh : ‘The flesh is unfulfilling, Alas! and I’ve read all the books.’ From Mallarmé’s poem ‘Sea breeze’ (second half of the 19th, translation by the author). Fraught : Affected by anxiety. Futhark : Runic alphabet. Gaoler : Jailer. Ichor : The equivalent of blood for gods and goddesses in Greek mythology. Janus : Two-faced. (From the Roman god who looks both forward and backward.) Jettison : Abandon, discard, something no longer needed. Kaxu : Basque. ‘Watch out!’ Pronounced ‘kashoo.’ Ken : Know. Krasota : Russian. Beauty. Labyrinth : The Labyrinth of the Minotaur, built at Knossos by Daedalus. Lag : Person who has been to prison several times. Law : The Tea Act of 1773 that would cause the Boston Tea Party in response shortly after. Libertalia : Semi-legendary colony created by pirates near Madagascar in the late 17th as a utopia. Mentioned in the work of Charles Johnson (possibly a pseudonym for Daniel Defoe). Les : French. ‘The’ for a plural noun (pronounced ‘lé’). Liesse : French. Jubilation. Lumière : French. 18th century philosophical movement placing reason at the center of everything. Marquise : French. Marchioness. Marry : Mild oath. Merci : French. Thank you. Moineau : French. Here a last name. Literally in English, ‘Sparrow.’ Mouche : French. Fake beauty mark looking like a black dot (literally, ‘fly’ ; pronounced ‘moosh,’ whether singular or plural). Muscadel : Muscatel. Wine made from Muscat grapes. Noddy : Foolish person. Oaristys (O.a.ris.tys): French (from Greek). An idyll or amorous encounter. Paix : French. Literally, ‘Peace.’ Figuratively, ‘Shush.’ Pandemonium : Capital city of Hell. Pangloss : Optimistic regardless of the circumstances. 143

Perfervid : Impassioned. Petite mort (la) : French. Orgasm (literally, ‘The little death’). Peu importe : French. ‘It matters not.’ Platypus : Technically, discovered by Europeans in 1798. Prague : Strictly speaking, the current city didn’t exist before 1784, fourteen years after the events described here – even though it was already called that. Until then, it consisted of four neighboring municipalities : Mala Strana, Hradcany, Old Town (Stare Mesto) and New Town (Nove Mesto). Prithee : Please. Pulchritude : Beauty. Quacksalver : Fake doctor who sells ointments. Quean : Promiscuous woman ; prostitute. Quoth : ‘Quoth I’ = ‘I say.’ Rapier : Thin and light sword. Rara avis (pl. rarae aves) : Latin. Rare bird. Rubcov : ‘c’ pronounced as ‘s’ not ‘k.’ Scruple : Old unit of count of 20 grains. Scuzz : Something disgusting, disreputable. Shonth : Ginger. Sic : Also, sick. Set a dog on someone or something. Singapore : “‘Tis impossible!” And for good reasons : the city wasn’t founded until 1819. Sirrah : Used to address a social inferior. Taverne des Colonies Britanniques : French. Literally, ‘Tavern of the British Colonies.’ Thrall : Slave. Tidings : Collective noun for a group of magpies (just like is used a ‘swarm of bees’ or a ‘murder of crows’). To : ‘I’ll to–’ can be used to express ‘I’ll go to…’ Tower : The Tower of London that served as a prison since the 12th century. Trull : Prostitute. Tudieu : French. Mild oath, like ‘golly.’ Varlet : Rogue, rascal. Vizard : Mask. Vltava (Vel-ta-va) : River that runs through Prague (German, Moldau). Whet : Something that stimulates appetite or desire. Wot : Know. Would : Can be used in lieu of ‘wish’. Yraigne : French. A sort of legendary fabric supposed to be as light and strong as a spider’s web.

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